Not clear on the concept Part 212

First, the winnerof Mark Bittman's cookbook: Major Bedhead!! Please email me at snackishblogAT yahoo and I will get your very large, big, giant book in the mail.

My apologies to the feed readers, since I have now edited this post 8 times.

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Now, back to your regularly scheduled post.

Flowcharts. I learned about them in high school, back when computers were somewhat newish and we had to make punch cards and paper tapes in class.

Why did we have to make punch cards and paper tapes? Because computers back then lacked a little thing called "memory" so each time you used them, you had to teach your computer to find its butt with both hands.

I AM NOT JOKING, PEOPLE. I AM OLD.

But I quickly grasped the concept of flowcharts. You have to frame things in flowcharts in simple yes or no terms. On or off. Zero or One. Is that so hard?

Apparently. Go look at this totally wrong flowcharty thing on this so-called medical website.

I looked it up because the white of my eye is red and swollen. Probably has something to do with wearing contact lenses for over 18 hours a day. Just guessing.

But the FamilyDoctor website would have me believe it is SEVERE GLAUCOMA from the way they designed their stupid chart: 4. Is your eye red, do you have severe eye pain, or has your vision suddenly decreased or become cloudy?

Is your eye red? Yes, yes! But then the confusion starts with the run-on sentence. Do I have to have both or just the one symptom? Because they group them all together and the "yes" instantly leads to "severe glaucoma."

GLAUCOMA? SEVERE GLAUCOMA? Are you kidding me? Apparently so, because 6 numbers later, they are still asking: 10. Are your eyes red, itchy or swollen, or is there a bite-like swelling on one of your eyelids? Red! Yes they are red! Why do you keep asking me that WHEN WE HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT I HAVE SEVERE GLAUCOMA with the red eyes and all?? Now red means something else?

Like I said, not clear on the whole flowchart concept. Back to Mr. Whitton's 10th grade computer science class with you, FamilyDoctor.org.

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Notice: If they find me dead in my house, it was not suicide. It wass from lack of oxygen, which was caused by this Farting Dog. Please don't blame her. It is my dad, with his infernal Bean Omelettes.

An all good-news post

0. The winner of the Gucci shirt is Jessica of GoochMedia. Congratulations! Go check out her beautiful photos.

Jessica, please email me at snackishblogATyahoo and I will get your Fabulous Prize in the mail.

1. Baby Skyller came through surgery with flying colors. I talked to my brother, who said the little guy looks good, the docs are happy and his wife(my niece's mom) and her sister are back in Illinois to help my niece get adjusted to having 2 little boys instead of just one. Yay.

2. I went to a book signing by my old pal Colette last night. When I met her, she was a Motel 6 maid who smoked a lot of pot. Today she is the author of a 500-page book and is working on another. I may have burst a few buttons as I watched her address the crowd.

The other good part is that I am really, really enjoying the book. I have ripped through about 130 pages so far and I can't wait to read the rest.

I made Colette sign it "To Suebob, my very best friend in the whole world." Snort. I crack myself up.

3. I have found the Holy Grail: a hair stylist who listens to me. Someone who didn't cut my hair so that it needs 3 products and 45-minutes of blow drying with multiple-use round brushes to get the same effect. And someone who wanted to charge such a small price that I yelped at him "There is NO WAY I am giving you that little."

Can you hear the heavenly harps and see the skies opening? Forsooth, it must be a miracle.

Giveaway #3 - On Beauty

Yes, more fireworks. How did you guess?

Giveaway #3 is a paperback copy of Zadie Smith's "On Beauty." It has been read (by me). There is a slight crease in the front cover (by me).



If you win, let me know what you think. I was a bit meh on it.

The rules, once again: Leave a comment and it will count as a vote. One comment per person. If you link back to this post, you get three entries total. Winner will be drawn at random on Sat, July 14.

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We have a new addition to the family as of Sunday, a 9 lb baby boy named Skyller (kids, these days!). He is my darling niece's second son.

Please send along your thoughts and prayers, because he is starting out his life with a big challenge - his heart valves are crossed up and he needs surgery today to correct that. The doctors seem calm and confident - apparently this surgery is common enough that they expect him to be just fine.

But still! Heart surgery on a tiny lad. It does make an auntie tug at her hair a bit.

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Thanks for all your birthday wishes and contest entries. Also for the lovely people who have nominated me to be a rockin' girl blogger or a thinking blogger. I'm sorry but I have not been too meme-alicious lately, but I do love you for thinking of me.

Giveaway #2 - Bittman's book

Ok, so you weren't into the Gucci thing. Go figure. I thought maybe high-end silk shirts would be more popular, but I guess your taste is all in your mouth. Hey now! THAT wasn't very nice!! (I'm joking. Someday we will go into my long annoying theory of why people buy designer goods).

So here is giveaway #2. I am going to regret this one, because shipping will kill me, but what the heck.


This is a hardbound copy of Mark Bittman's fabulous (and very, very large) "Best Recipes in the World." Bittman is the popular NY Times writer of "The Minimalist" column in Wednesday's food section.

The rules remain the same: Leave a comment and it will count as a vote. One comment per person. If you link back to this post, you get three entries total. Winner will be drawn at random on Friday, July 13.

Good luck!

PS - I am just giving things away to avoid bitching endlessly about the continuing nightly fireworks that are causing Goldie to lose her little doggie mind. What is WRONG with people?

Gucci Giveaway

I can haz giveawayz!

If you have ever wanted to own a Gucci shirt, here is your chance.

This is a size 40 silk shirt in a very dark grey with a hint of green. I believe size 40 translates to US size 10. It is very soft and lovely to the touch and has big wide cuffs. The buttons say "Gucci" on them too.



Believe it or not, I found it at the world's best thrift store. No, I will not tell you the location of the world's best thrift store, because it is my big secret. Ok, maybe if you ask nicely.

Even though it doesn't fit me, I had to buy it because how often do you find thrift-store Gucci, duh.

Here are the contest rules: Leave a comment and it will count as a vote. One comment per person. If you link back to this post, you get three entries total. Winner will be drawn at random on Thursday, what is that, July 13?

Good luck!

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In other news, my Simpsons avatar is uncannily accurate: