Know Your Audience

Healthful Eating Tip: Start a "Salad Club" for lunch at work. Each member brings a different ingredient and everyone has a big tossed salad full of tasty veggies!

Suebobian Modification: Hey, we could totally do that with Nachos!

The American Riviera (whatevah)

All over the blogosphere, I see ads for "Santa Barbara, the American Riviera." But not on my blog. Noooo. I get ads about drunk driving and mental illness (oh, shut UP!)

But not for Santa Barbara. Even though I was born in Cottage Hospital and so was my mom. And oh yeah, my grandmother worked at Cottage in 1925 when the big quake struck. But I guess we're NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW, eh, Santa Barbara?

My mother grew up next door to Baseball Hall of Famer Eddie Matthews on the Santa Barbara mesa, but who cares about that?

I have strolled the jasmine-scented streets, danced at the County Bowl, watched the fireworks on 4th of July from a 62-foot yacht in the harbor.

I could tell people how lovely Santa Barbara is when the sun sets over the water and the mountains turn pink. I could mention the clouds of blue and white California lilacs that bloom at the Botanic Gardens in the spring. I might even make a list of my favorite restaurants in Santa Barbara, but I guess I will skip it and tell you not to drive drunk. Because that is the kind of blogger I am.

Talking to old people

Not making this up. If it doesn't make sense to you, don't hurt your brain trying to follow along. It doesn't follow - which is what I get to deal with every single day.

Sb: That Four Seasons Westlake is really nice. I went there today.
Mom: Yes?
Sb: Yeah, it has a huge water feature - a fountain that is about 30 feet high and maybe 200 feet wide, like a huge rock wall.
Dad: There is another fountain over there in Westlake, or there was one about 1970. It is a guy on a horse, a Western one.
Mom: Did you go for a boat ride?
Sb: Huh?
Mom: In the lake.
Sb: There isn't a lake. The fountain just ends in a pond, it isn't big enough for a boat.
Dad: I don't know if the horse fountain had water. I never saw it. Some guys told me about it.
Mom: We drove by that Westlake on the way from Uncle Bob's and there were boats all over it.
Sb: The Four Seasons isn't on Westlake. It is in Westlake Village.
Dad: That lake is pretty big. I don't know if I could call it a pond.
Sb: Yes, Westlake is pretty big. But I wasn't at Westlake. I was at the Four Seasons.
Mom: I thought you said Westlake.
Sb: Westlake Village.
Mom: You should have taken a boat ride. That would have been nice. Maybe next time you can go on a boat.
Dad: I guess they took that horse statue out when they put that waterfall in.

Now with extra Bershon

My gynie doc is the greatest. She is the woman that you can just tell was the smartest AND prettiest in her high school class. Two words: blonde ringlets. That's what I am talking about.

We were discussing the menopause situation. Crap.

Sb: I went three months without a period and then I had one.
Cute Doc: Was it a normal period?
Sb: Yeah.
Cute Doc: Do you have hot flashes and night sweats?
Sb: Yeah, some. Not so bad.
Cute Doc: Do you feel like you have PMS all the time?
Sb: CHA! Totally.
I sounded like a 14-year old. She laughed.
Cute Doc: You're the first person who has been honest about that all week!
Sb: Why lie? I feel like killing people all the time. It has become standard practice to save emails for 10 minutes before I send them out so I don't say something stupid and wreck my career.
Cute Doc: That's brilliant.
Sb: I know, I know. I'll send you my bill.

Reprehensible

I don't like people like Ari Gold. I don't want to be around them. I don't want to live in a world where people act like Ari Gold. Ari Gold is pretty much the antithesis of what I think people should be like.

Why, then, do I love to watch him so much? (WARNING: Swearing. Sexism. Ethnic stereotypes. Crude sexuality. Everything your mother warned you about. Etc.)


Who is your best worst character?