Barack's booty call

About what, a month ago, the Obama campaign got me to sign up to BE ONE OF THE FIRST to find out who his vice presidential running mate was going to be.

They were going to send out the news via text message. It was going to be so cool!

Here's how I imagined it would go down: I would be at Farmer's Market or getting a coffee and suddenly all around me, people's phones would begin to ding and buzz.

We would all fish around simultaneously, read our text, and look at each other. We would smile knowing smiles, chuckle, and say "How about that?" It would be a fun little community Democrat bonding experience.

But instead we waited. I haven't waited so hard for the phone to ring since I dated flaky guys in my 20s. Days went by. Weeks.

I started to get pissed off. "Dude is NEVER gonna call," I thought. "I bet that jerk lost my number."

By Thursday or so, it became apparent that we were going to be the FIRST TO FIND OUT but NOT BY VERY DANG MUCH. We were special, but not THAT special.

Last night, I was surprised how little Twitter buzz there was about it. It seemed that people, like me, were pretty much over it.

I awoke this morning to find a text had been sent at 1:48 a.m. WHO DOES THAT?

People don't text about important decisions at 1:48 a.m. They send booty calls. They drunk-message things you don't want to read.

Lame. The whole thing was the emotional equivalent of a guy who whispers "Oh baby, it is gonna be so good," for weeks ahead of time. And then the time comes. And baby, it ain't that good.

What's For Lunch?

Moose in the Kitchen is talking about food today, considering vegetarianism, veganism or every-other-Tuesday vegetarianism.

I have been a vegetarian for 20-some years. I went through my annoying Multi-Level-Marketing-like veg phase in the early days. You know, the person who everyone avoids because every conversation begins with "Hey, I've got something interesting to share with you!"?

In the MLM person's case, it would be about Fabulous New Cleaning products. In mine, it was all about How Cows are Destroying the Environment.

I have mellowed a bit since then. Ok, a lot since then. I have even stopped being a Very Good Vegetarian. What I have become is a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" vegetarian.

Pretty much every book on diet and food choices and vegetarianism will spend a few paragraphs describing the levels of vegetarianism. What is acceptable to one faction won't fly with another.

A few years ago, I decided to stop caring about labels and factions and do whatever the hell I wanted.

I was at a potluck when a vegan woman flipped OUT because someone had put clams in the dip. She threw a spectacular fit. She reached into her mouth and scooped the dip out and flung it in the trash and began sobbing about EATING DEATH while she ran for her toothbrush.

Ah, to be such a sensitive soul that one cares about every little dead clam of the world. Yes, clams die, every day, and perhaps someone should shed a tear over that fact. But it won't be me.

Oh, please. Meat is not POISON (oh, I know there are a couple acres of the internet that are just waiting to pounce on that one. Impacted Fecal Colon Matter! High Cholesterol! Clogged arteries!). It is food, food that has fed billions of people for tens of thousands of years.

But I choose to avoid it as much as I am willing to, for environmental reasons and also because I just don't like it much.

For me, this means that I don't buy meat, cook meat or order meat dishes in restaurants. But I also choose not to quiz beleaguered waiters about what is in the soup stock - chicken or veg? I don't ask in Mexican restaurants, where I am fully aware the beans may be swimming in tasty pork fat.

If I want to eat a fish taco once every couple months or eat half a piece of bacon to amaze my friend Steve, who loves to nag me about being a veg by waving crispy fried pork products in my face, I will damned well do so and I will still call myself a vegetarian and if that make you a little nuts about how wrong that is, haha. Joke is on you.

I also fully support people who want to raise their own meat or who take steps to assure that the meat they eat is raised humanely and organically. I think every step in that direction is a good step. I'm done guilting people and harassing them. All it ever did was make people miserable.

If this makes me Not a Real Veg, sue me. I'm over it. Bandwagon, done.

Chewy Cheesy Memearino

I'm just doing this meme because it has been far too serious around here. Also because I want you to be impressed with what a food weirdo I am. I like grasshoppers, but will not let gravy pass my lips. That can't be normal, can it?

Most of the meat ones I crossed out are just things I didn't get around to trying before I became a veg. Personally, I think it is all equally disgusting - if you're going to eat cow, I do not see the difference in eating horse. I'm just sayin'.


1) Copy this list into your blog, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.
1. Venison (Growing up, Dad was quite a hunter)
2. Nettle tea (I have been stung so many times that I have a fierce hatred of nettles)
3. Huevos rancheros (but with the eggs scrambled. Poached eggs, as we have discussed before, are a tool of the devil).
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush Have some in the fridge right now
11. Calamari I have special love for the eight-legged creatures of the sea
12. Pho God's own food
13. PB&J sandwich. At our house, a specialty was peanut butter, bacon and sweet pickle sandwiches. Mom invented them, and I loved them. Honest.
14. Aloo gobi I make it ALL THE TIME
15. Hot dog from a street cart Nope, never
16. Epoisses I changed my mind on this one. I was thinking of crottin de Chavignol, not epoisses. Though I'd be willing to give it a try.
17. Black truffle This year we had black truffle pasta FEAST. So good.
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream Pistachio-saffron-rosewater is my favorite flavor
21. Heirloom tomatoes Green Zebras are growing right in my yard.
22. Fresh wild berries I have also made wild blackberry liqueur. Yum.
23. Foie gras Tortured diseased duck liver? Why, no thank you!
24. Rice and beans (Duh. Like every day)
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper Only in salsa. Only in miniscule quantities.
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters Smoked, not raw
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda No, but anything that involves warm olive oil and massive amounts of garlic and vegetables, I am willing to try.
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl Right up there with poached eggs in gross-out potential
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut We used to get this in school lunches. Do they still even try that with kids?
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea I am assuming this means afternoon tea, not some beverage made of clotted cream??
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O Vodka is ok though far from my favorite beverage. But Jell-o is just evil.
39. Gumbo Me oh my oh, catfish pie-o
40. Oxtail Only in french onion soup. Not the whole freaking tail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects Yum yum chapulines! Actually quite tasty
43. Phaal (What iz dis? I googled and apparently it is hot hot hot curry made with habanero and other fiery chiles)
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu (Are you crazy? I saw that Simpson's episode!)
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut Only one, flown in on a FedEx plane, delivered by the pilot. That was cool.
50. Sea urchin (My sister Laura told me not to, which is good enough reason for me. She described it as both fizzy and sour. Yum).
51. Prickly pear I love prickly pear aguas frescas - I have a recipe on Snackish, my food blog
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone All the time as a kid. Mom had thing big wooden mallet she would pound them with.
54. Paneer (I have also MADE paneer. Be impressed).
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal The last time was over 20 years ago. I don't imagine much has changed.
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini MUCH prefer a tanqueray and tonic
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine I have never tasted gravy and plan on never trying it.
60. Carob chips (NOT a good substitute for chocolate. That is a big fat hippie lie.)
61. S’mores Nope never tried one. Really.
62. Sweetbreads If I was going to eat meat, I would definitely eat these
63. Kaolin (clay?? Who eats clay?)
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (The stinkiest fruit on earth. Quite honestly. Like a mixture of diaper explosion and natural gas. I am not exaggerating. Tastes ok, but I'd rather eat a cherimoya or sapote, both of which are quite similar, without the stench.)
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost. Not a fan.
75. Roadkill Unless Dad had something he wasn't telling us about all those critters he brought home
76. Baijiu (Dunno what iz. Googled - it is a Chinese white liquor that is 40-60% alcohol.)
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail (I am counting abalone here. It IS TOO)
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict (Nor poached eggs for that matter. Eeeh).
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant (I will do this. I will!)
85. Kobe beef Not since he fooled around on his wife
86. Hare I was thinking "Haré"? Is that Japanese?"
87. Goulash
88. Flowers I make a nice squash blossom soup.
89. Horse (My dad calls beef “horse.” Does that count?
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa (I love regular harissa, though).
94. Catfish And I have been to Catfish Days in Wilmington, IL
95. Mole poblano One of the great foods on earth
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor (No, but lobster used to be a staple food growing up since Dad had lobster traps and a little boat).
98. Polenta Is it still polenta if you call it "corn mush"?
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake