The Raven Life List

My dear friend CC invented a new Life List today: Stuff I Have Done and Never Want to Do Again. Let's call it the Raven Life List ("Quoth the Raven: Nevermore"). Not quite as glamorous as some people's Life Lists, and certainly not sponsored by anyone, but worth considering nevertheless.

Get a haircut at Supercuts
Food poisoning from a suspect burrito
Be dumped for an ex-girlfriend
Have the ex-girlfriend come to a meeting I was leading - at my house
Dance with a guy who grabbed my boob
Break a high heel
Fart in a board meeting
Drop something valuable into a public toilet
Fly United Airlines
Have my car die on a freeway onramp
Pee my pants in public
Rent a room to a psycho
Be bullied in high school (hi, Jamie Lambert)
Fail a class
Be laid off
Deal with Charter Cable customer service
Eat leg of lamb
Lose my shoes in the mud
Have it rain for 28 days in a row
Live with an unmedicated person with bipolar disorder
Date someone who hated to brush their teeth
Have a landlord with boundary issues
Kill a rattlesnake
Be too cold to sleep
Go to a college on the quarter system
Lose an heirloom
Eat at Marie Callendars
Have the sewage back up in the yard
Go to small claims against idiots

Ok. Enough for now. You get the picture.

More on the Rear-View Life List

I was talking to my brother-in-law about my blog post on the Rear-View Life List.

He said "You've done so much. When I look at my list, there isn't anything on it except 'Have dinner with Liberace.' That's it."

I said "Hey, wait a minute, you've done ALL KINDS of interesting things. You were a roadie for Bill Graham Productions, after all."

We talked for a bit and realized that his list includes:
- Holding Wolfman Jack's head while he puked
- Flying in a helicopter into a crowd of 500,000 people
- Getting a ride from Chuck Berry in Chuck's golf cart

That's what I love about this project. In two minutes, we had three amazing life stories that came flooding back.

And then, there's this:

What's off my reverse life list

I found out that Dave had my reverse life list idea a long time ago. That does not make me feel stupid. Au contraire - it makes me feel great because it confirms that I am well-justified in having Dave as my not-so-secret blog crush.  (I plan on having my avatar marry his avatar and run away to Second Life, where they will live happily ever after, or as long as the Lindens last.) (Do people still do Second Life? It seems so 14 months ago).

ANYWAY...I am having a blast making my Reverse Life List. Every time I open my brain, something I did that was fun pops up. I recommend doing this - it's amazing what you remember, and how much cool stuff you have done without even realizing it.

So far I can cross off from my big Reverse Life List:

Fly in a hot air balloon

Ride a mule in Yosemite

Fly in a helicopter over Kauai

Walk a labyrinth

Take an award-winning photo

Build a Rose Parade Float

Pilot a helicopter (verrry briefly)
Pick macadamia nuts

Ride a recumbent tandem bike

See a horse being born

Drive a backhoe

Learn another language

Have the White House pastry chef make me dessert

Get a college degree
Volunteer on a presidential campaign

Make a good wine

Win a blue ribbon at the county fair
Drive halfway across the country

Be published on McSweeney's

Do the chicken dance

Drive sideways

Plant 20 kinds of sage in my yard
Climb a pyramid

Buy a recumbent bike
Roast my own coffee

Go to Oaxaca

Drive a Caterpillar

See Buck Owens at the Crystal Palace

Snorkel with sea turtles

Get paid to write full-time
Make beer
Play roulette in Vegas

Adopt a shelter dog

Start a food blog
Eat shave ice in Hawaii

Design a book

Get a big grin from Buddy Guy

Heal a very old wound

Hug chef Michel Richard
Go body surfing

Visit Washington DC

Study A Course in Miracles
Sail in a catamaran in high seas

Have Barack Obama answer one of my questions

Save a lot of trees

Go to a pro soccer game

Interview Anthony Bourdain

Protest George W. Bush in his presence
Get stopped by Secret Service (see above)

Be the 9th caller

Paddle a canoe with my dad

Have a peak moment

Go to chef school

Start a life blog

Manage a crew of amazing people

Go to baseball Spring Training

Marvel at the redwoods

Hike in Zion National Park with my dad

Jump off the Pismo pier
Watch fireworks from a yacht

Meet cycling legend Davis Phinney

Visit San Miguel Island
Be in the middle of a huge electrical storm

Help get a prisoner of conscience out of jail

Go to the Rose Parade
See a live condor

Ring in the new millennium
Play in the snow

Buy $250,000 worth of paper

Celebrate the Harmonic Convergence

See "Starry Night"

Read at a poetry festival

Dance on the lawn to Los Lobos

Course Marshal a pro cycling race

Read at BlogHer Community Keynote

Live by myself
See a meteor shower

Dance like a maniac to Koko Taylor

Write front page, above-the-fold story

Hang out in a yurt

See Half Dome

Protest a war

Interview a former first lady

Make mole negro
See a real autumn

Eat a grasshopper

Dance to the Neville Brothers

Go to NYC
See the Grateful Dead

Ride in a speed boat

Go canyoning
Be a bleacher bum

Celebrate Samhain among 500 pagans

Take a yoga class from Judith Lasater

March for civil rights

Go to a nude beach
Attend Catholic mass
See a full eclipse of the sun

Take the Chicago architectural boat tour

Shop at LA's Grand Central Market

Help land a multi-million dollar account

Climb a mountain

Thank a great teacher from elementary school

See Bruce Springsteen

Learn street fighting
Experience an earthquake

Speak on a BlogHer panel
March in a Mardi Gras parade

Hear a symphony that makes me cry
Receive laying on of hands

See John Lee Hooker in a tiny venue
Do improv comedy

Make a bully back down
Hug George Foreman

Get hysterical
Receive an answer to a prayer
Give an award-winning speech

Hear Brian Wilson play "Smile"

Meet Rick Bayless and thank him

Fall in love with opera

Hike the Pinnacles
Eat bananas I grew myself
Learn to weld
Visit the Carizzo Plains

See Dave Chappelle

Participate in important scientific research

Swim with the US. Men's Olympic Waterpolo team

Raise a flower crop and sell it

See the day when the Berlin Wall falls

My Reverse Life List

Maggie Mason and her amazing hair have this thing about Life Lists.

(Well, maybe just Maggie does, and she might have just brought her hair along for the ride. I do not know for a fact that she consulted her hair.)

The idea is that you make a big list of things you want to do before you die, and then you do them. Simple.

The only problem is that I am too lazy and not at all goal-oriented, so even when I make those kind of lists, I lose the paper, or I forget about it even if it is right there on the fridge, or I change my mind, or I put stuff on the list that I think sounds cool at the time, but who do I think I'm fooling with the surfing lessons? I can't WALK without spraining both ankles.

So, I am doing a reverse life list. I am doing cool things first, and then crossing them off. This saves confusion and disappointment. Rather, it is entirely satisfying. Ah, one more item off my list! Why look, everything is off my list!

Hooray! Done! Until the next cool thing comes along that I can write down and then immediately cross off.  Instant gratification.

Reverse Life List:
1. Washing my hair in a waterfall.