I came home a little weepy tonight. My parents and I had the Serious Discussion about What To Do With Us.
Mom's knees are totally giving out and she can't/won't have surgery on them due to a heart condition and the fact that she mostly doesn't want to.
Dad is legally blind and more than a little deaf and his memory ain't what it used to be, which is not all that odd, considering he is 90.
They don't know whether to stay in their home and do some remodeling to make it work for mom and get live-in help, or to go to an assisted living place.
Big decisions, and the part that KILLS me is that they are more concerned about my siblings and I than they are about themselves. It just touches me so much that there biggest worry is to not worry us, but that has always been their motto: Don't Make A Fuss About Us. I have threatened to have it engraved on the family escutcheon many, many times.
I came home and was watering the vegetables and just had to have a little cry at how simultaneously blessed I am and how much I hate the fact that they are suffering.
Then I came in and sat down to find this post by Crystal of Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper thanking Stefanie Wilder-Taylor of Baby on Bored for helping her to get an agent to sell her book.
Stefanie, who is dealing with baby twin girls (one with health issues), and another small daughter, managed to find time to help another blogger realize a dream. This is a blogger who has been through pretty much every bad thing that can happen to a person and who has clawed her way out of a very deep hole to not only survive but thrive...
It's enough to bring a tear to your eye, but this is the good kind of tear.
I love this place, the blogosphere, for all of its help and support and love. And lately I am getting some really good belly laughs at the expense of the tiny percent who scream and scrabble and scratch from dark corners, trying to tear the rest of us down and who always miserably fail. Trolls of the world, unite - or don't. None of the rest of us care what you do. We're busy.
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24 comments:
i'll love you forever for that last paragraph alone. so simple, and yet so true and perfect.
That image of you out in the garden, having a cry is really touching.
Let the trolls stay in their dark corners.
I do think we can lift each other up. In fact, I wrote about that today too. ;)
Had a troll yesterday but I ignored him/her.
~*
Yay for blogging and book agents and sweet, sweet parents.
I'll pray for your parents. You're a good daughter.
Oh I'm sorry about your parents but I'm so very glad that they're talking to you about it.
Major kudos to your parents for broaching the topic willingly. I had one grandmother who had a live-in companion, and one who moved into a nursing home. Both situations worked out pretty well, after some adjustment. The stay-at-home grandma was very private, and the nursing home grandma was very gregarious, so the situations worked out seemed to suit them both. I'm sure you'll come up with the right plan.
I could not agree with you more. Hoping your cry gave you some release and peace.
Dealing with elderly parents is tough. It just is. My only word of advice would be that if they are considering assisted living---don't wait too long. I think there's kind of a window of opportunity where that is the right fit----my parents waited too long and so it didn't work out. Homecare ended up working as well as anything could. There are just no easy answers. Best of luck...
How did I leave my last comment without out a link? huh.... anyway...
Sounds like you have amazing parents - and they passed along their goodness to you. Too bad we cannot pass along the effects of aging to the trolls... assisted living sounds pretty good right now.
This post touched me as I have been bothering my own parents lately to take better care of themselves and was told the same thing-Make no fuss...
How did they get so fragile all of a sudden is what I want to scream to the winds sometimes.
My heart is with you. xoxo
When I get home I'm going to email you the photo of YOU with your stapler to add to your flickr set.
XOXOO See you for Fancy Foods!!
Every blogger who reaches out to help another blogger reach her/his dream is doing what we're supposed to be here to do. Not wallow about in our own self-congratulatory fame...but to spread the wealth and support each other. So glad to hear SOME people are walking the talk.
I just wanted to say that I loved this post for all the reasons everyone before me articulated. Thanks.
Oh, my heart aches for you crying in the garden.
Great points about blogging friends - mine have made a huge impact on my life.
I just wrote recently about the fear of losing my parents (my dad was just found to have a recurrence of skin cancer) and had more than a single good cry, so really, I'm impressed with your strength and with your parents willingness to be upfront with you. My dad told me about his cancer via a text message.
Beautifully written.
I didn't get a chance earlier to comment - although I read your post. But your compassion and care and worry for your parents is very real and touching. I share that feeling for my mom - dad died in 2002. It's so very hard.
The Matron joins you in that sentiment! The BlogoSphere (had to use those caps) is a generous place. I'm in much the same state, regarding parents.
You are so right about the trolls.
I don't know where to begin...I'm sorry your folks are in need of help. It happens. They are lucky to have you and your support. When it comes to parents, it's never easy being an adult. Seems like I'll always be about 10 when it comes to mine. Best wishes for the right answers coming your way. I'm sorry I don't have any for you. I've been crying a lot too. It must be time for a good cry. Sending you big hugs and love, Suebob!!
That's so sweet that you gave me a little shout out in the midst of your pain. I understand what you're going through because my husband's parents are in the exact same boat. His dad is in his late 80's and is legally blind and his mom has had a knee replacement already and can't get around well. but they are resisting assisted living like crazy. It's very hard on my husband and his sister. Keep ya head up!
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