01 September 2008

Your best effort

I dated this guy a while back and he broke up with me for what I thought was a stupid reason that I don't want to go into here because that is a Whole Nother Ball of Wax.

It was the shortest breakup call in history:

Him: I'm concerned because I think you (insert stupid reason here). So I think we shouldn't see each other anymore.

SB: (Hangs up.)

Well, hell, come ON, I'm in my 40s, not 17, so I really don't need a long-drawn out emotional call rehashing the reasons we shouldn't see each other anymore. I sat there on the front steps with my coffee and my cell phone in my hand and I thought "Oh, yeah, right, he's stupid. So that's that."

I did have one follow-up conversation with him since we sometimes work together for the same organization and I wanted it to be cool if we got stuck in the same room, so we made mature adult noises and settled that.

-- Cut to this weekend --

CC and I went out and ran into him. He immediately came over and started talking to us, all about him. And on and on, him him him. He finally told me I looked great and then screwed that up by quickly adding "And you look great, too" to CC and then getting all awkward because it sounded totally insincere and tacked on.

CC asked me in an aside if I wanted to go out to coffee with him. Sure, no problem, I thought, let's get a group together and go, since we were at a place that was closing anyway.

He said yes and CC went to round up more people, leaving the two of us standing on the sidewalk.

He immediately put his arm around me and said "I think I made a huge mistake breaking up with you."

"I know," I said, not in a come-hither way but in a "Well obvs, you dork" way.

He tried to hug and kiss me and hold my hand. I couldn't flipping believe it, given our status or lack thereof. I was pretty much a shrinky dink, giving him all the "No way, Jose" body language. "Is this making you uncomfortable?" he asked and I said "Well, YEAH."

By then CC and another girl were back so we ambled off to find a coffee place. He grabbed my hand and held on. He wasn't talking so I had to keep up all the conversation myself.

It was pretty late and everywhere we went was closing, so I said "You know, I have to get up early so I'm going to turn in."

As he hugged me desperately, I told him "I'll see you when I see you."

Dang, I am cold. But come ON dude! Work with me here! If you have been a complete idiot, you at least have to do something to make up for being an idiot. Effort is required. You can't just see me and tell me I look good and expect to suddenly have me come running back (not that I would no matter what he did. Once an idjit, always an idjit).

Not gonna happen. I'd rather go home and talk to my parakeet than spend time with a guy who can't figure out a semi-decent way to apologize. And I don't even have a freaking parakeet.


Amy Nathan said...

You hung up.

I cracked up.

Best way to handle a break up, evah.

thailandchani said...

Hanging up is the perfect response. If he'd tried to put his hands on me after that, I would have swatted him.

I can't believe how presumptuous some people are.

Sheesh! What a jerk!



Christina said...

I'm still laughing that you hung up on him. Perfect response!

And yeah, acting like everything was all peachy between you two was so odd and wrong. I'm amazed you let him touch you at all.

ReesePie said...

Yeah - he's a loser. Nicely done for just hanging up.

Maggie said...

Best Line: "And I don't even have a freaking parakeet."

You rock.

Swistle said...

I love the immediate hanging-up. I laughed audibly.

Totally: after a break-up like that, if he wants another chance, he can't just "think" he made a mistake while dazzled by the proximity of your hotness. I'd like to see some groveling, and I'd like to hear some talk about what a moron he is.

Also, I'm filing the hanging-up idea in case I need it in the future, because that sh*t WORKS.

Swistle said...

The groveling and the talk about moronitude should be FROM HIM, I mean.

Traceytreasure said...

You had me going at the parakeet!
I'm so sorry he's an idiot. Any guy would be lucky to have you as his girlfriend.

Big hugs!!

apathy lounge said...

Guys like that think that women are just waiting for some guy to come back and grace them with a dazzling presence. He really thinks a lot of himself, no? You're well rid of him.

Velma said...

Oh, goodness. Maybe if you'd flashed the thumb and finger "L" on your forehead when you told him you'd seen him when you saw him, he'd have gotten a clue? I predict more awkward social encounters with that one.

Suzanne said...

Sorry you had to deal with such a douche nozzle.

SMurF said...

I just had this conversation with my mom, that I'd rather be happy alone than MISERABLE in a relationship.

What's the appropriate response when they have enough balls to do it in person?

MsLittlePea said...

You are so my hero right now....

Avitable said...

That seems like pretty aggressive behavior on his part!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Yeah, burn that guy.

And DUH he shouldn't have broken up with you. You are the raddest.

www.startswithanx.com said...

When you have no intentions of getting back together, the "I made a huge mistake" conversation always makes the "I think we should break up" conversation worth it.

g said...

Um, yeah. IF he wanted to start anew....What would it hurt the guy to invite you a more private meeting, just you and he, and then actually address the issue?

and - like say he was wrong?

Do guys do that?


Buh bye to him.... you're way better off.

Shutter Bitch said...

Wow. Um. Yeah, that's really pathetic. Not to mention really immature just pretending everything was fine and that you were into him.

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