27 December 2008

I Dismember Mommy

They appear as regularly as report cards. About every three months or so, some newspaper columnist pulls their head out of whatever dark crevice they have been dwelling in, takes a look at Teh Intarwebz and observes the Brand! New! Phenomenon! of MommyBlogging.

They read a diaper-heavy post or two and, before you can say "Stuff on Chuck's Nose," they have come to the same inevitable conclusion: These wimmins must be stopped! Because they can't say that stuff! Some of them aren't even really great writers! And holy cats - they are telling the truth about motherhood! Quick, someone call the Pixel Police!

Everyone who reads this blog knows that I have trashed mommybloggers time and time again. But not because of their subject matter or writing skills (or lack thereof) - but because of their ad revenue. I am jealous, plain and simple. I want my slice of that sweet, sweet mommyblogging pie, despite my childf*ee status (sorry, I can't type the real word lest the childfr*e loons invade my comments section).

I find these regular denouncements of mommyblogging rather tedious for several reasons. First, their unoriginality. You might think that someone writing a column for a major daily might take a look around and see if this subject has been beaten to death like a rabid raccoon, but no.

Second, I wonder why the target is always the same. There are crap political bloggers, crap religion bloggers, crap weight loss bloggers - the internet is a big place that is armpit-deep in bad blogs. So why always pick on mommybloggers?

Is it because mothers are just silly, trite creatures, writing about foolish topics like raising the next generation of humans to be decent, caring people (and cleaning up poop)? Hm?

Here's a suggestion: next time you feel like putting mommyblogging down, take a quick read over at Her Bad Mother and then sit down and drink your STFU juice. Because some of these mommybloggers can out-think you, out-write you, outsmart you and make you pretty well irrelevant.

What if everyone quit reading newspapers and started reading these terrible blogs? Oops, too late, my bad! That has already happened! Will you lock up if you're the last one leaving the building? Thanks.


Mayberry said...

Thank you -- I thought that column was lame, lame, lame!

Deb on the Rocks said...

For an "award winning writer" she sure wasn't funny, and she went for the low-hanging poop.

I hope the Motrin Moms and the Walmart 300 find her and give her a what's for. I love it when that happens!

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Wait, I'm supposed to make money on my mommy blog? DAMMIT!

mar said...

i hope you sent that as a letter to the editor (or a variation on it)

JCK said...

Brilliant riposte! You are absolutely right.

apathy lounge said...

Too late for me to write about poop or spit-up. Anything I reveal about my teenagers just verges on invasion of privacy. I'm jealous, too. Jealous, jealous, jealous. Of the ads, of the revenue and of the thundering sound of the interwebs as they click their way to the more famous than me. Oy.

apathy lounge said...

Okay...I'm in Dallas/Fort Worth, so I don't get the Houston paper, but did anyone read the blurb under Houghton's picture? Dear God...whomever it was who called her "sexy-funny" needs to be checked for cataracts. And have a sense-of-humor transplant. That said? "Stuff on Chuck's Nose" is boring as hell. It has to be said.

apathy lounge said...

Wow. I commented over there and her "fans" are really...uh...sensitive. Apparently they believe I'm some MommyBlogger who goes by the name of Stacy Dawn (??) who is threatened by the caliber of Ms. Houghton's writing. They're like rabid weasels.

Anonymous said...


Skye said...

Besides, it's not the mommy bloggers that are the problem, it's the cat bloggers. Those people are freaks.

the queen said...

Someone on delicious has me categorized under "Mom blogs." Some who must be very disappointed.

You know what's fun? Having people try to guess why you don't have children. They reveal so much about themselves.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

You should lie about having kids just to get the good ads. I do.

Wait - nope. They're real. You've even met them.

Well, I get the ad revenue and you get the peace and quiet. It totally balances.

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