The great cartoonist B. Kliban (famous for his Cats) had a piece titled "The Shock of Recognition." It was just a scruffy guy looking at himself in the mirror first thing in the morning.
I love that. You wake up feeling ok, and then you see your reflection. The Shock of Recognition.
These past few weeks have caused me to be jolted into recognition in some awful and scary ways.
I hate to say it, but I see myself in Sarah Palin's cute-lil'-bunny act. The woman who is over the hill and no one dares say it to her, so she keeps popping off with these little inappropriate cutenesses.
Oh gah. Now every time I wink or shimmy, I see myself in her at the VP debate and it makes me kind of nauseous. Here we are, in middle age with our broad middle-aged butts, still thinking we can get away with acting like giggly teens.
"Can I call ya Joe?" she chirped as I cringed. There are times and places you can "Work it, girl" but a vice-presidential debate is probably not one of those.
We forget, as we age, that we are aging. In our heads, we think we are still young. My sister Laura told me about a time in her late thirties when someone asked her how old she was. She said "Eighteen" without hesitating, because, in her mind, she WAS 18. It wasn't until they snorted that she was brought up short.
Like the protagonist in Milan Kundera's novel Immortality, I fear that Ms. Palin and I are trapped in a picture of ourselves that no longer exists.
Please forgive me if I ever appear pathetic as I navigate these perilous waters of midlife womanhood. And if you see Sarah Palin, tell her I understand.
06 October 2008
05 October 2008
A philosophical question
I have been wondering this for some time and I have never gotten a good answer, so I will throw it out there to you, my wonderful readers (even though I know many of you are godless heathens): Is it possible to be a Christian and not need the Bible?
I wonder because I hear people talking about their "personal relationship with Christ" and that they talk to Jesus in prayer and that Jesus or God answers them.
If you have a personal relationship with Jesus, can't you just ask HIM what you need to know, instead of reading a book? Relying on the Bible instead of talking to Jesus seems kind of like looking up the wikipedia entry on physics when Einstein lives upstairs.
Do you ever come to a point where you are done with the Bible?
Please help a sister out.
I wonder because I hear people talking about their "personal relationship with Christ" and that they talk to Jesus in prayer and that Jesus or God answers them.
If you have a personal relationship with Jesus, can't you just ask HIM what you need to know, instead of reading a book? Relying on the Bible instead of talking to Jesus seems kind of like looking up the wikipedia entry on physics when Einstein lives upstairs.
Do you ever come to a point where you are done with the Bible?
Please help a sister out.
04 October 2008
The debates, a little late
One of my dear readers (hi, Cyndi!) actually took the time to email me because she just KNEW I had a Vice Presidential Debate wrap-up in me and she noticed that I had not written it.
I went over to Santa Clarita to watch the debates at Queen of Spain's house with about 20 other people, many of them bloggers. Yes, I drove an hour to spend watch 90 minutes of debates, which seems nutty but these are mah peeple!
People who aren't addicted don't understand the pleasure that comes from hanging out with people who don't make a fuss when you twitter or post or put up a photo or an Utterz or whatever it is you simply must do right that moment in cyberspace.
So. Onto the debate, about which I have only ONE comment: While the rest of the world was sighing over Joe Biden's choking up about his family's tragic accident, I was busy having the debate completely reframed in my mind.
That one moment snapped everything back into reality for me.
Because, you see, a few days ago, I had heard Joe Biden on the radio talking with a reporter about how he had done the EXACT same thing at a campaign rally. He told the reporter how embarrassed he was and how he wouldn't go there again.
But he did, he did go there again AFTER he said he wouldn't. He went there because he knew the moment worked, that it connected with people. Seeing that reminded me of one thing: all these people are doing is trying to get elected, and they are using all the tools in their political toolboxes to do it.
There is no reality there. Or if there is, it is about as "real" as the fourth season of "Bret Michaels: Rock of Love."
It reminds me of when I was a reporter. I did what I had to to get the story. I used all my super Spidey senses to try and determine what would get people to spill the good stuff. If they needed concern, I gave them deep, furrowed-brow concern. If they wanted to show me their prized orchid collection before they showed me the documents I really wanted, by God, I exclaimed over their paphiopedalums like I had never seen a flower before.
I was not actually concerned. I was professionally concerned for as long as it took me to get the story. Yeah, people's stories touched my heart sometimes, but I couldn't let them touch me too much because those weren't my stories to live. They were just my stories to tell and move on. I knew I was using people - and often they were using me to get the word out about something that was important to them.
Sometimes it was a little sickening, but I did it in the service of a good story. I was doing my job. And that's all Sarah and Joe are doing.
All is fair in love and politics. If your wife and child are dead, drag it out and wave it around. If you have a Down Syndrome baby, bring him out in a building full of lights and screaming people.
I do think that Biden and Obama, by not stooping to truly sleazy tactics like McCain's ad lying about Obama wanting sex education for kindergarteners are behaving better than the McPalin team. But neither side is impeccable - see www.factcheck.org for an impartial analysis.
These are politicians, people, doing their job, and their job is to get elected. That is the one thing, the only thing, we can be sure of. Sorry to be so cynical.
I'll let my man Chuck D say it:
I went over to Santa Clarita to watch the debates at Queen of Spain's house with about 20 other people, many of them bloggers. Yes, I drove an hour to spend watch 90 minutes of debates, which seems nutty but these are mah peeple!
People who aren't addicted don't understand the pleasure that comes from hanging out with people who don't make a fuss when you twitter or post or put up a photo or an Utterz or whatever it is you simply must do right that moment in cyberspace.
So. Onto the debate, about which I have only ONE comment: While the rest of the world was sighing over Joe Biden's choking up about his family's tragic accident, I was busy having the debate completely reframed in my mind.
That one moment snapped everything back into reality for me.
Because, you see, a few days ago, I had heard Joe Biden on the radio talking with a reporter about how he had done the EXACT same thing at a campaign rally. He told the reporter how embarrassed he was and how he wouldn't go there again.
But he did, he did go there again AFTER he said he wouldn't. He went there because he knew the moment worked, that it connected with people. Seeing that reminded me of one thing: all these people are doing is trying to get elected, and they are using all the tools in their political toolboxes to do it.
There is no reality there. Or if there is, it is about as "real" as the fourth season of "Bret Michaels: Rock of Love."
It reminds me of when I was a reporter. I did what I had to to get the story. I used all my super Spidey senses to try and determine what would get people to spill the good stuff. If they needed concern, I gave them deep, furrowed-brow concern. If they wanted to show me their prized orchid collection before they showed me the documents I really wanted, by God, I exclaimed over their paphiopedalums like I had never seen a flower before.
I was not actually concerned. I was professionally concerned for as long as it took me to get the story. Yeah, people's stories touched my heart sometimes, but I couldn't let them touch me too much because those weren't my stories to live. They were just my stories to tell and move on. I knew I was using people - and often they were using me to get the word out about something that was important to them.
Sometimes it was a little sickening, but I did it in the service of a good story. I was doing my job. And that's all Sarah and Joe are doing.
All is fair in love and politics. If your wife and child are dead, drag it out and wave it around. If you have a Down Syndrome baby, bring him out in a building full of lights and screaming people.
I do think that Biden and Obama, by not stooping to truly sleazy tactics like McCain's ad lying about Obama wanting sex education for kindergarteners are behaving better than the McPalin team. But neither side is impeccable - see www.factcheck.org for an impartial analysis.
These are politicians, people, doing their job, and their job is to get elected. That is the one thing, the only thing, we can be sure of. Sorry to be so cynical.
I'll let my man Chuck D say it:
01 October 2008
Two helpful hints about pain
When I was about 35, I experienced an episode horrific pain due to the combination of a herniated disk and an unresponsive HMO.
When I say "horrific pain," I mean the kind of pain where you can't think of anything else. You can't function in any normal way. I did not drive more than a mile for six months. I did not sit down at work for six months (I stood up ALL DAY and lay on the floor to eat lunch). I did not leave my county for a year.
I herniated my disk while tying my shoes, which is pretty stupid, no? If I would have been thinking straight, I would have lied to everyone and said I was snowboarding or windsurfing, because "I was tying my shoes" sounds SO lame.
After six months, the HMO approved surgery, hallelujah, and in a few hours, I was fixed.
So here's my advice for when you are in horrible pain:
Do not close your eyes. Much of your brain power is used up by vision. Shutting your eyes will just give your brain more space to devote to PAIN! I use this when getting blood drawn, getting shots or having IVs inserted...look away, but look at something.
Do not project into the future. Examining my thoughts closely, I found that a lot of my pain came from imagining a future where I couldn't function correctly - "OMG I won't be able to work! I won't be able to walk more than a few feet! What am I going to DOOOOOOO!" Learning to just deal moment by moment and not freaking out over the future was so helpful.
********
See how I am? One day it is nail polish hints, and the next it is dealing with crushing pain. Count on the Red Stapler for ALL your life advice!
When I say "horrific pain," I mean the kind of pain where you can't think of anything else. You can't function in any normal way. I did not drive more than a mile for six months. I did not sit down at work for six months (I stood up ALL DAY and lay on the floor to eat lunch). I did not leave my county for a year.
I herniated my disk while tying my shoes, which is pretty stupid, no? If I would have been thinking straight, I would have lied to everyone and said I was snowboarding or windsurfing, because "I was tying my shoes" sounds SO lame.
After six months, the HMO approved surgery, hallelujah, and in a few hours, I was fixed.
So here's my advice for when you are in horrible pain:
Do not close your eyes. Much of your brain power is used up by vision. Shutting your eyes will just give your brain more space to devote to PAIN! I use this when getting blood drawn, getting shots or having IVs inserted...look away, but look at something.
Do not project into the future. Examining my thoughts closely, I found that a lot of my pain came from imagining a future where I couldn't function correctly - "OMG I won't be able to work! I won't be able to walk more than a few feet! What am I going to DOOOOOOO!" Learning to just deal moment by moment and not freaking out over the future was so helpful.
********
See how I am? One day it is nail polish hints, and the next it is dealing with crushing pain. Count on the Red Stapler for ALL your life advice!
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