17 January 2010

Stop me if I have told you this...

What is it about old people and poop? They're like the parents of toddlers - they just can't resist giving you the Poop Report.

Suzanne wrote a short post that reminded me of this.

I don't want to hear about poop. I'm famous - or maybe infamous - for unfollowing people on twitter who describe their poop, or their kids's poop. I mean, is that shit really necessary?

So when Mom started giving me a daily report of her bowel product, I took it for 2 days and then put an end to it.

"Mom," I said, "You know I love you but that is TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I do not ever want you to tell me what kind of poop you made, how long it took, or how long it has been since the last time you pooped."

She put on her pouty face.

"But it's IMPORTANT to me," she said.

"I know, Mom, it's important to all of us, trust me," I said. "If you have a problem where you need to go to the doctor, I will gladly take you to the doctor, but until then, I don't wanna hear about it."

So now she starts a sentence and then throws up her hands saying in an exaggeratedly exasperated tone, "Oh, that's right, you don't want to HEAR about it."

On the upside, she loves the phrase "too much information" and uses it all the time now. See, you're never too old to learn something new.


ptooie said...

I am somewhat awed that your mother actually stopped telling you about it, even if she's giving you a bit of a hard time. My mother would continue to tell me, then poke fun at me for not wanting to hear it. But that's ok, I do the same right back at her.
My father started texting a few months ago. Totally freaked me out when he responded to something with "LOL!"

geegee said...

Barnes and Noble sells a "Poop Log." Perhaps being able to write about the experience would stifle her urge to discuss it with you?

Now that I think about it, perhaps that's what I should buy my mom...

apathy lounge said...

I'm with you, Suebob. I don't want to hear about anyone's poop.

Gretchen said...

It will be TOO SOON if I never hear the word "diarrhea" from my mother again.

godlizard (aka dotlizard) said...

But, everybody poops. I know, I read it in a book!

LOL, glad you were able to stop all the crap talk, even though you're still getting the talking about not talking about the crap talk :)

Natalie at Mommy on Fire said...

You are funny! So glad to have found you via Write of Passages!

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