28 March 2010

Once again, maturity escapes me

Do you know about TED? I hate to do this at the beginning of a post, because I may never get you back, but the TED website has some of the most interesting talks available online.

So when I found out that we had a local version of TED happening, I began bugging my editor to let me cover it so I could save $40 on the ticket price. Hey, I'm unemployed. Also not stupid.

Anyway, our local TED conference had a fascinating lineup of speakers, so I was all geeked to go. I got up at 6:00 on Saturday morning, put on my girl reporter outfit and headed for the eastern part of the county.

I got there, entered the theater and sat down. There was a guy two seats to my left. I glanced over and I don't know what it was, but I felt like the tractor beam from the Starship Enterprise was pulling me in.

Ladies and gentlemen, I had a crush.

Don't ask me why. He was just a normal-looking kind of guy. He was dressed well and looked to be about 50. He was minding his own business, going over some notes and I just could not stop looking at him.

The man really, really buttered my toast.

I leafed through my program and figured out he was one of the speakers.

Then this big, clumsy dumb guy came and sat next to me on the other side and talked and talked and talked to me until I began choking him and screaming "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? MY MYSTERY DATE IS SITTING RIGHT OVER THERE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, SHUT UP!!"

No, I didn't. I just sat there and listened.

And then we went out for the break and came back and I sat right next to Mystery Date and we began talking a little and I began babbling about some idiocy tangentially related to his speech topic until I proved I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about and I should never, ever talk to anyone again and then the lights went down and I wept into my hands because I am such a big dope.

No, I didn't. But I proved to myself, once again, that I am a 14-year-old trapped in a peri-menopausal body.

My friend Dan was at the conference but had to sit in a different part of the theatre, so we didn't meet up until lunch.

When we went to eat, Mystery Date was sitting with his back to me next to the most beautiful young woman in the world. I mean drop-dead model beautiful. She looked 24, tops, and I was like "Oh, no, you didn't, buddy!"

Of course Mystery Date had a gorgeous, barely post-teen wife. Of course.

(Wrong. She was one of the presenters. And she wasn't in her 20s. She was 17 and is doing ovarian cancer research. See how my freaking brain works? I'm insanely jealous because of a man I have exchanged maybe 200 words with.)

Anyway. I had to go file my story so I couldn't even see Mystery Date's presentation. I walked in toward the end of it and had no idea what he was talking about because it was so complex. Let me state for the record: smart. And did I mention the cute part?

At the end of the day he and I shook hands and said it was nice to meet one another and I'm pretty sure there was at least a second and a half where we really connected on a very deep level. Or not. I can't tell. My brain was not functioning properly at the time.

That's kind of the end of the story. Sorry to disappoint with a lack of resolution, but I'm a dope and I just couldn't make even more of a dunce of myself by trying to talk to him again.

The thing I got out of it is that I can still be attracted to someone. I can't remember the last time it happened (oh yes, I can, but I'm not going into it here) and I had kind of thought that maybe that fluttery butterfly feeling was all in the past for me. But nope. All systems are in order. Including the one that lets me shove my foot firmly in my mouth.


Deb Rox said...

Don't you kinda have to do a Missed Connection kind of thing with him now, just to complete the warp in time that pulled you into the 14yo crush wave? Like a friend needs to email him your post, something like that? Hmmmmmm,,,,,

1A said...

See? When you post about this, you should be required to at least post a twitpic as well. I'm sort of attracted to him too now. :)

Anonymous said...

I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!! You should make a Missed Connection post on Craigslist! You'd be a total celebrity within the circle of your friends!

However, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with a functional Foot-In-Mouth system.

Joe Crawford said...

Be confident Suebob! You're the real deal.

The worst that can happen is that the person isn't interested. If you're ready for that, they can't hurt ya.

lizriz said...

I'm just so jealous you went to TED!

Peeved Michelle said...

Did you get his card at least, or give him yours? Connect with him on Linked In? Maybe you need to do a follow-up with some (one) of the presenters, for the paper.

Also, I agree with Joe. You're the shit. There is no reason for you to act like you aren't.

Mary P (Barnmaven) said...

I'm really glad to know that I'm not the only person who gets all kerfuffled when I find a guy attractive. I get tongue tied to the point where I literally cannot even speak to them. I lose the ability to have anything relevant witty or interesting to say. I turn into my worst nightmare.

We had a guy at my place of work that I thought was adorably cute. True to form, I could barely even look at him. I could talk to anyone else around him, and I suspect that he probably that I was some mean bitch who liked everyone else but HIM.

I am the female Raj.

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