A new feature in which Suebob dialogues about your pressing etiquette questions:
Questioner: Is it ok if I squat to pee instead of sitting in a public restroom?
Suebob: Butt-related toilet seat disease transmission is actually quite rare, but whatever floats your boat.
Questioner: Is it ok if I put my feet on the seat and squat there?
Suebob: Hell no. What is wrong with you? Were your thigh muscles removed? This is WHY you do squats at the gym. Get your disgusting feet off the seat.
Questioner: That's the way we do it where I am from.
Suebob: Are you from Dumbassville?
Questioner: What if I pee on the seat?
Suebob: Clean it up.
Questioner: Clean it up? Me, clean up pee? That is gross.
Suebob: Not compared to coming in and finding a toilet seat all covered in pee.
Questioner: How am I supposed to clean it up?
Suebob: I don't care. Take a piece of toilet paper, a butt gasket, a wet wipe or what have you and clean it up. It's not calculus, people.
Questioner: Why do I have to clean it up? (emphasis on I)
Suebob: You made the mess.
Questioner: But I am not the kind of person who cleans up pee. I'm special.
Suebob: I know. You are the kind of person whose parents, who were obviously of a non-human species, told you that you didn't have to take any responsibility for anything you did. When you go home to the place under the rock where you crawled out from, tell them they did a great job, OK?