15 November 2010

Some kind of depressing musings on life and burritos

I came home after the gym and Farmer's Market on Saturday and tossed all of my vegetables on the kitchen table and my wet gym bag on the floor.

They were all still there this morning. Monday morning. The vegetables were faded and limp and the swimsuit had that murky, not-so-fresh smell.

As soon as I had gotten home, I had thought "I'm so tired," and I laid down on the couch. Then I got up and went to bed. After about half an hour, I tried to convince myself to get up, but I couldn't move.

One of the great blessings of getting older is a certain amount of perspective. If I had been 20, I would have spent a great deal of time berating myself about what a lazy jerk I was, sleeping a beautiful Saturday - and it was a glorious, warm, sunny day - away.

But being Of A Certain Age, I realized "There must be something seriously wrong with me," and you know, Being of A Certain Age, I was right.

The fever and chills hit about 2 p.m. The cookie-tossing commenced shortly thereafter and lasted for the next 10 hours or so.

Thank God for twitter on my phone, because it was the only thing I could do to pass the long hours - I don't have a TV and reading a book made me even more nauseous. Sleeping led to weird hallucinatory dreams populated by the - I am not making this up - People of Wal-Mart. Standing up, other than to dash to the bathroom, was beyond my capabilities.

I usually love living alone. I don't get lonely. I seem perfectly suited to a solitary lifestyle, a room of my own, a house of my own, a life all my own.

I have to admit, though, as I lay there pinned down by the after-effects of an ill-conceived food stand burrito, that I questioned the wisdom of my decision. Being alone and healthy and happy isn't the same as being alone and sick and incapacitated, is it?

Flat on back, unable to move, helpless. Those were some long and lonely hours, despite my little glowing twitter connection. My tiny little house suddenly felt way too big for just one person.

But despite all of my fantasies of Brad Pitt carrying a cool cloth for my forehead, we never know what life may bring. We may get sick and get a Peter Mayhew, or we may have to be the hero when our loved one gets sick, the hero in ways that are tough and awful and scary.

Or, as happens all too frequently, we may walk out or get walked out upon in our hour of darkest need (no links here - I guess nobody ever blogs about that).

That's the crazy part about life. You just never know. But one thing is for certain: eating a bad burrito will give you a lot of time to think about it.


flutter said...

Oh man, I would have totally run you over some chicken soup! then I would have left it on your porch, rang your doorbell and run away leaving a cloud of lysol in my wake.

because I am reasonable about germs

Misfits Vintage said...

Having lived alone for years I totally hear you. Those long dark teatime of the soul hours when you are lying in bed, wondering how loong it will take them to find your body... Tina Fey covered it very well in an episode of 30 Rock.

Now that I am sharing a house (AND A BATHROOM) again, I looooooong for those days!

Hope you are feeling better Suebob.

Sarah xxx

Barnmaven said...

In these days while my children are still young and my moments of privacy numbered, I can pretend I'll never understand what you've said here. :) But as a single woman, with no desire to share my home with anyone ever again, I have no doubt those moments will come.

Glad you're feeling better. I hate puking pretty much worse than anything.

Ericka said...

i'm single and plan to stay that way. every time i go to an estate auction, i ponder the same things.


food poisoning is the worst! i hope you're feeling better.

Dawn said...

Illness makes even those of us with housefuls of people think about this mortal coil and how they are going to leave it - Alone.

And when we recover we think "MAN! Who was that morose mo-fo that inhabited me for the past (insert time here)?"

flurrious said...

I don't worry too much about being old and alone because I assume that my siblings will outlive their spouses and then move in with me and make me be their maid.

gandhi rules said...

It really says something about me that this post made me hungry.

gandhi rules said...

It really says something about me that this post made me hungry.

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