Suebob's Red Stapler: Halloween

31 October 2006

Halloween

Update: ATM card - found. In the ATM, of course. Duh. The bank had it in their special folder labeled "ATM cards belonging to dumbasses."

*****

Halloween in the new 'hood: Very good. Millions of kids. So cute! I ran out of candy by 7 p.m. Neighbor Tina across the street gave me a huge bag of gum (sorry, kids) that lasted til 7:30. Then I went inside and huddled in the dark like a crochety old woman (guilty as charged).

*****

I am a peaceful person. A spiritual person in training. So why do I feel like I could easily gun down the boom-car idiot on the next block? duuum-duuuum DUUUUM...duuum-duuuum DUUUUM...I am sick of it.

*****

My dad apparently thinks it is ok to tell people they are getting fat. My mom said he told the housekeeper she was gaining weight and she almost cried. I told him "Dad, that is NOT ok. That is about the rudest thing you can say to anyone."

'It's not rude." he said. "It didn't hurt her feelings."

Mom and I yelled and screeched at him a little more, but he denied everything.

"She forgot all about it," he said.

Mom and I know differently. Men! At least he has the excuse that he is 88, and quite possibly on the Tom Cruise train to Kookooville.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...: Happy Halloween, you! Been meaning to tell you that I got (and am loving) the cards. I'm really happy that you slipped me some extras -- they are great.

xoxoxoxo; 10:01 PM
super des said...: My dad tells people that to, namely me. Yeah, it feels great and I completely forget about it...

I'm glad your bank saved your card. A lot of times they chop them up and you have to get a new one.; 4:53 AM
Anonymous said...: If Dad is losing his vision, how does HE know the housekeeper is gaining weight?; 5:09 AM
SUEB0B said...: He apparently has super secret fat ass vision. The other day we were in the grocery store and there was a fat lady ahead of us in the frozen food aisle and he said "Goddam!"; 6:09 AM
Anonymous said...: Regarding your local boom car boy, just imagine him with hearing aides at 62. That's his future. I think people who drive such cars can be compared to people who drink and drink until they can shout at you: both crave attention, but don't have the tools to connect.

Love your line about the Tom Cruise train.

And I love your self-deprecating humor. What's sexier than someone who can laugh at herself?

"Nuthin'!" I say.; 6:45 AM
Anonymous said...: I wish we'd gotten a lot of kids for Halloween, but I had fun anyway, walking around the hood and checking out everything. There is one house where they had a coffin and someone jumped out of it!; 7:16 AM
Anonymous said...: Ah yes, the 88 year old set. My Mom actually wrote a letter to my ex-husband apologizing for my behavior during the marriage (?). This to a man who lied, didn't go to work much, came close to bankrupting me (and thereby shutting down the comfy lifestyle that I provide for her, 'cuzz really? My Dad wasn't much of a provider and left her with nothing. One brother has died and left his widow and sons in a dire mess. Hm. . .family issues finding that "good man".) And she knew nothing about how I acted in that marriage, but I think she was just fishing for someone to tell her. She is one nosy person that I wouldn't walk across the street to see, but she's my Mom, so I do what I am supposed to do. Running her to appointments, taking her the foods she likes, making sure she has what she needs. Massive self-abuse, anyone? Anyway, glad you had a fun Halloween, and I know you are too wise to think you are going to change your Dad's approach to the world. Just glad we turned out better than they should have expected given what was modeled for us, eh?; 8:43 AM
Anonymous said...: "ATM cards belonging to dumbasses" - HA!; 10:27 AM
Anonymous said...: Happy Halloween! At least you get trick-or-treaters. I could have the Wiggles performing on my front yard and nobody would walk down my street on Halloween. (Dark, no sidewalks, lots of old people).; 10:29 AM
Suzanne said...: My grandfather used to tell my sister that she could be a model (she's 5'8" and was thin and curvy) and then would look me up and down and tell me to lose some weight. Yeah, thanks gramps. At least he didn't hit me with his cane. (He did that to other people...)

As for Halloween, I bought $20 - !!!! - worth of candy, and it was gone by 8:00. I guess my grandpa would think that was better for me, as I then had none to eat myself, and my costume was WAY too tight anyway. Nothing like discovering bulges you didn't even know were possible.; 12:18 PM
Anonymous said...: Oh, God. If someone told me I'm fat, I would probably cry, too. Even though I *DO* need to lose weight.

Men. They're so clueless. Even at 88. You'd think by then they'd learn. But, no. They haven't.; 12:20 PM
meno said...: All aboard the Tom Cruise train to kookooville. Tom himself will be taking your tickets and driving.; 2:32 PM
Mom101 said...: Better gum than raisins!; 3:47 PM
Anonymous said...: Ooooh, so glad the ATM card was found safe and sound. Who cares if you're a dumbass - at least you're not a BROKE dumbass.

Fabulous kids around here too. Blown away by the good manners. Also ran out of candy at 7pm, which didn't upset me one bit.

And your dad - I had to laugh. If an 88 year-old man told me I was gaining weight, I'd take it with a grain of salt.; 5:46 PM