I am off to Phoenix for baseball spring training with a bunch of other loons. We sit in the sun, watch some ball, and eat food that is either very very bad or very very good depending on who you ask.
We are hoping to see my good-looking and talented cousin Doug pitch for the Diamondbacks on Saturday. I am a bit concerned because every time I show up for one of his games he gets shelled. I know, I know - I am the center of the universe and everything is my fault.
Don't worry about the house. I have asked one of my Hells Angels neighbors and his pit bull, Molly, to keep an eye on the place. Touch anything and Molly will shred you, beginning with your nearest body part to her nose and ending with Everything Else. Ah, I love my 'hood.
Now I just have to remember to pack everything I need and to unpack my weapons, so we don't have a repeat of last year's airport incident where the TSA took apart my whole carry-on bag - including many, many tiny bottles of Jack Daniels and about 1000 tampons - to try and find the Swiss Army knife I had forgotten in a compartment.
Have a great weekend. I will miss you.