26 March 2007

You know what is ironic?

No, not rain on your wedding day. That's not ironic, it is unfortunate.

Ironic is when you get roped into helping at a fitness event at work and you spend three hours handing out flyers on stress relief and end up all stressed because you have had to listen to the same three minutes of crappy new-age-stress-release music over and over and over.

THAT is irony, Alanis.

And then not so ironic but still sucky is when you go to lunch and order a taco salad, no steak, just throw some rice and beans in there instead. So the woman charges you for a taco salad AND a side of rice and a side of beans so suddenly you have a $9 taco salad. WTF? I'm getting penalized for a LACK OF STEAK?

And then the meatless taco salad contains random chunks of meat. But I'm not going to say anything - I'm cool that way, not like Vic's vegetarian friend who stood up in a cafe, threw his food down in a rice-and-bean splatter explosion and yelled "OH FUCKING DOGSHIT" when he got a sliver of chicken in his veg burrito.

But the chunk of wood! Wow, that was a new one on me. And I LIKE fiber. My teeth were so surprised! Because wood? Not really a normal ingredient in a taco salad where I am from.

I took my salad back to the overcharging beetch at the counter and said "I'm done. I'm out." She reluctantly gave me a refund (I had to show her the wood - "Look, WOOD") - not for the drink, of course, just the salad - beetch - and I went to Olas where I got some nice tacos and the opportunity to watch surf videos.

But somehow my day still wasn't ruined. Because you know when you have had PMS? And then it lifts? Isn't it like the sun coming out of the clouds on a really gloomy day? And everything is all bright and shiny and happy by comparison. And you just start singing "I feel good!" even at the gas station.

p.s. Thanks to Amalah for letting me borrow some of her question marks.


Kentucky Girl said...

Yeah...you know, because rice and beans is SOOOOO much more expensive than steak. But wood? Oy vey. That is a totally new one.

I LOVE your friend's friend's reaction though. I've done something similar in the past. I wasn't proud of my reaction after the fact but at the time, it was boggling my mind why they kept putting tomato on my sandwich after THREE sandwiches that I exchanged because they had tomato on them. ARGH!

I may have "accidentally" thrown the sandwich over the counter at them on my way out the door. Along with a few choice words. Stupid I realize now...but still I was done for at the time.

QT said...

I don't think it is a lot to ask to not have "accidental" pieces of meat in your meal, nevermind WOOD. What the hell?

Kudos to you for not letting that ruin your day, that would have been a deal-breaker for me!

Maggie said...

Come on Suebob. You know the wood was just there to clean out the little strands of steak from between your teeth...oh wait, you didn't get steak. Hmmmm.

MsLittlePea said...

Surf Videos. I felt giddy just writing that. Too bad you don't live near me, I could have made you the taco salad without steak or WOOD and slapped in a Surf Video for free....

Mignon said...

I'm glad I'm not a veg. I'd be an angry one fer sher. I don't like mistakes in my food and would be way less forgiving than you are.

I remember the first time I heard that Alanis song I thought, hmm - it's ironic that this song doesn't actually have any ironic situations in it.

meno said...

I will not make a joke about you getting wood. I will not.

Alex Elliot said...

Wood?!!! The meat is bad enough. I was a vegetarian for a number of years and some meat was "accidentally" put in a dish that I had ordered. I got pretty sick from it.

SUEB0B said...

KG - I would expect nothing less from you, oh feisty one.

QT - That actually WAS going to ruin my day, but then the PMS lifted and I could not argue with that.

Maggie - I carry my own dental floss. No wood chips needed. Ever.

Ms Little Pea - Yes, Olas means waves and waves mean surfers...it is the surf taco spot, man.

Mignon - I just seem forgiving. For one, I ain't nevah going back to Bobbi's Mexican food in Camarillo.

Meno - that would be the first wood I got in 4 years LOL.

Alex E - Yes, I have suffered the meat-induced tummy cramps as well. Ick.

Kentucky Girl said...

Yes, I am feisty. But I SWEAR this stuff follows me around. I SWEAR IT! Argh!

Lady M said...

Rain on your wedding day is only ironic if you're a meteorologist.

Belinda said...

I got some mashed potatoes with a heapin' helpin' of styrofoam at an Applebee's once. MMmmmmm...polycarbalicious.

Suzanne said...

Suebob, I adore you.

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