17 May 2007

Things to be thankful for

I know this grieving thing is going to get a little old. Having a blog is a good place to flog my feelings, but public grief gets embarrassing for everyone.

I am reminded of how I am always appalled at those cars that have the "In memoriam" type on the back window -- "Hey, look at me! I know someone who died! Pay attention to me!"

I think that after today I am going to try and write about other randomness instead.

But I think we can all take this opportunity to be thankful I haven't hopped on the Twitter bandwagon, which would just make it all so much more TMI-ish:

6:04 am Crying in the shower
7:40 am Complaining to co-worker about how tired I am
9:07 am Reading obituary for the first time; crying
12:14 pm Uncomfortable silence at lunch with co-workers
2:38 Rueful laughter, more crying, blaming cruel universe

And so on. At this point, hearing someone Twitter about big poopy diapers actually begins to sound attractive.

What do YOU think about Twitter? Worth it, or stupid?

Ok, that's it. Taking off the crepe. My sis would approve. Onward.


meno said...

Sweetie, it will never be old for you. And certainly not this soon. Go ahead and be sad. It will be a long time, if ever, that it all feels right.

Biby Cletus said...

Cool blog, i just randomly surfed in, but it sure was worth my time, will be back

Deep Regards from the other side of the Moon

Biby Cletus

super des said...

If I had a poopy diaper to tell you about, I would. However, as you know, I have no children. Therefore any poopy diapers might be my own, and while I could still describe them, that would be way TMI.

Lori said...

Grieving takes as long as it takes, and people understand that. What is a blog for, if not to GET IT OUT? (Well, some would argue it's for other things, but that's why *I* blog. :)

Re: Twitter, I think the secret is to keep the group of people you follow small. Then it feels more like random text messages from friends. Do follow finslippy, though -- Alice writes the funniest updates in 140 characters or fewer, and they're sure to make you snort with laughter for a few minutes.

Andrea said...

I think those moment-by-moment thoughts have their humor in certain times and places. Amalah perfected it with her packing entries and I'm guilty of it a time or two. But a site dedicated to such navel gazing all the time? Seems pointless to me.

And really, you grieve for your sister how you see fit, whether it's here or at any other blogs you have or in email or wherever. She's someone you will love the rest of your life and grieving her loss is more than allowed. It's not like you're offending people, and if you are, fuck 'em. You do what you have to do, and I'll be here to read regardless of what you have to say.

MsLittlePea said...

Take as much time as you need!

I just got caught up over here and I love that-"that's God for ya!"

rhea_sun said...

take your time, it's what you have to take.

Anonymous said...

ditto everyone else's comments.

I just wish I could zip over and give you a hug. I think you are one cool chick for being so honest, open, and raw about your process. I am sure you are helping countless other people deal with their own losses as well.

Major Bedhead said...

It's your blog, SB. If you want to talk about your sister, talk about your sister. If you want to be sad, be sad. If anyone is bothered by that, they can go read someone else's blog.

Twitter looks quite pointless, sort of like the annoying co-worker in the next cube who keeps a running commentary of what she's doing, just loud enough for it to drive you out of your mind.

TB said...

It's your grief to do with what you want. And I'm here to support you and try to make you feel less alone with it.

If you want talk of poopy diapers, I got ya covered sistah.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Maggie said...

We love ya. We love what you write. We're here.

susan m said...

Hi, I'm a friend of Leah's. My mom died on May 11th so I'm moving through some of the same stuff you are. I've just started reading your blog -- I can get through little bits and then I have to set it aside because it hits so close to home. My mom would have had a bowling ball collection, if she'd had access to bowling balls. I'm going through the fatigue and crying about cookies.

I love the part about the birds, and I've had the same experiences with random blessings as you did with the woman on the plane. On the day before she died, my mother looked at me the way your sister looked at her son.

I put my mom on hospice in February so I had the benefit of a few months to get mentally ready. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers almost ten years ago. She was relatively healthy until this winter.

Anyway, I wanted to share a few books that I found particularly helpful -- "The Mourning Handbook" by Helen Fitzgerald, and "Grieving: A Beginner's Guide" by Jerusha Hull McCormack. If you have a hospice near you, they will provide support groups and free counseling even though your sister was not one of their patients. At my mother's hospice, my counselor was a graduate student working towards her degree. I couldn't help but think of her as "The Baby Doc" -- but she was kind and wonderful and helped me a great deal.

As others have said, give yourself time. Grieving is a freefall. If you want, email me at susan (at) silvergate (dot) us. If I can, I will help you land someplace soft.

Sending my love and thoughts,


p.s. Michael Jordan, the Bulls, forever :-)

Mrs. Chicky said...

Take it from someone who has been there - grieve for as long as you need. It's better than trying to shut it out because that shit will just catch up with you eventually.

The first time reading the obit is hard. The second and third time aren't great either. Write what you feel, friend.

Ally said...

I stopped by your site via Nancy at mommaamme.typepad.com. It's sometimes strange here in the blogosphere, having total strangers know about your intimate feelings and thoughts. But I agree with Lori who said that if you can't vent your grief on a faceless blog, then where else? You are writing about universal truths here, experiences emotions that span across all other divides of time, place, gender, ethnicity. Wallow in it now, as long as it takes. This is your time-line; just listen to yourself. My condolences to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or is the " in loving memory " window sticker almost always posted just above the Oakland Raider sticker ?

Where would you buy something like that anyway ?
- Angel Apologist.

Lisa said...

Have been thinking of you alot, alot, ALOT these days.

SUEB0B said...

Thanks, my people. Like I need MORE encouragement to grieve. You should say "Tut, tut, stiff upper lip, girl, go out and do something for someone else and forget about your sorrows." But I guess you are not characters in a British costume drama, so you wouldn't say that, would you?

And Angel Apologist - that has always been my question, too - is there a website "Griefstrickenwindowsticker.com" where you can order that scripty white lettering? Mine would say "I really, really loved my sister who was incredibly cool, way cooler than any of you people reading this, and you have no idea what it feels like to lose someone so great, because you are all loser morons compared to her, so nyah. Laura Davis-Doe 1950-2007 THAT'S GOD FOR YA."

It's too bad I couldn't put it on GJA's car with his "IH8GSUS" personalized plates.

gael said...

Sometimes I wonder if we need to have the simple black arm bands again so that we don't have to EXPLAIN to someone that we've lost the sun, moon AND stars, and it may take a bit to figure out just when the sun will rise again.

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