05 June 2007


It doesn't take Sigmund Freud to figure out how I deal with stress. At the first sign of tension, I wonder "Hm, what's to eat?"

At work whenever things get crazy, I find myself scrabbling through my desk for change and heading off to the Evil Snack Machine. I always hope I am wearing something with big pockets so that I can hide my snack and don't have to make the Walk of Shame across Cubeland with the evidence showing.

Yeah, like no one would ever suspect a size 16 woman of buying junk food. No, they probably thought I was doing isometric exercises in the break room.

I don't even LIKE milk chocolate or Pop Tarts, and I have found myself eating both at my desk when the workload gets crazy and the customers are yelling about something we did.

Then there has been the past few weeks. First the monotony and terror of sitting around the hospital was broken only by trips to the greasy spoon diner ("Dessert is free with that entree, hun.")

Then the sorrow and the pity and the cold comfort of stuffing my face and of drinking too much.

Then the invitations from friends to keep me from sinking into my sorrow alone. And the lunches out because I was so worn to a frizzle that making a sandwich seemed like summiting Mount Everest.

I made brown butter shortbread cookies last week when I was off work. I was going to give them to friends and take them to church. I gave a few away and ate the rest. Yes, I ate all the rest. A LOT OF DAMN COOKIES, people.

Now I am large and fat and bloated. Like I wasn't before? But now for reals. I look like Prince Fielder after a trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet. Naw, that's a lie. Prince is svelte compared to me.

Being addicted to food kind of makes me wish for a real addiction, the ones you can give up and not have to deal with being in your face every day. You can avoid heroin. You can avoid cocaine. But the snack machine shall ever be with you.


super des said...

You just need the vending machine to take your money and the snack gets stuck without falling. I'm always a little scared that's gonna happen to me.

Anonymous said...

same. but i am especially drawn to eating when i am sleep deprived. it's gross. i should just go to bed but i stand there in the pantry stuffing my face instead. lovely.

LittlePea said...

I started taking that birth control pill that stops your period for 3 months. I never craved so much food all the time in my life. I hate sweets, yet I find myself eating pounds of chocolate and asking anyone available if Dairy Queen is still open and would you like to go. I have to stop soon or I'm going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe for my new ass.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

The dreaded vending machine. What is it about that damn machine that makes Cheetos at 10am seem like a good idea?

QT said...

I have to avoid the vending machine at all costs.

Is there a refrigerator at work? I bring my own unhealthy crap, which is still WAY healthier than that stuff - like you eating the home made cookies.

When I am PMS'ing, I have to eat burgers and fries and chilidogs - the more grease the better. Believe me, those start to add up.

Anonymous said...

Hey, this goes back to the LA Bloggers party...

I was wondering if you could email me the picture of Donald and I and your red stapler? Actually, if you have any other pictures with Donald or I in them, that would be cool too, but mostly I was just adding the page to our scrapbook and realized I didn't have a picture of the two of us together, but I knew you did. I know its on your flickr page, but I don't know if I can download it in its original format or not, and besides, I prefer to ask permission.

Anyway, you can say no. But if you do say yes, my email address is sarah_and_donald@yahoo.com

I'm really THAT unoriginal =P

Thanks! Have a good one!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! You described how I used to feel at my old job...."the cubicle walk of shame."

I used to take my purse to the break room with me and hide the shit in there.

meno said...

i like dana's solution to take your purse. Then everyone just assumes you are having your period.

OhTheJoys said...

I go with the baby carrots and eat them until I am exhausted from it... then I fart for days. Walk proudly from said evil vending machine. It has it's good points.

SUEB0B said...

OTJ - like I need help farting LOL

Anonymous said...

Are you in my head? Thanks for articulating this. It is such a hard battle.

Anonymous said...

Reason you rock #238 :

You not only know who Prince Fielder is, you know what kind of body shape sports.

-Angel Apologist.

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