16 November 2007

What season is it?

It is catalog season. I yanked a big slippery fistful out of the mailbox today.

After Eddie Bauer (Motto: "We'll make you look like a big ol' butch lesbian or your money back") they all had 2 names. Hearth and Home. Wind and Weather. Night and Day. Buttocks and Bollocks. That sort of thing.

The problem is that I am not a catalog person. I can slaver over the descriptions like anyone else: "Made of butter-soft Carthiginean leather and hand-sewn by a family of dwarves who have inhabited the magic Brillig hills for over 30 centuries."

I can pick items out and tear out order forms, carefully working around the staple in the middle.

Then I get to calculating the shipping, and it all goes to hell. The melt-in-your-mouth caramels that are handmade on Whimsy Bean Island look great at $14.95 a pound, but I just can't see paying $8.95 for shipping on top of that. I think "Damn, I could make my own caramels!" and start researching caramel recipes.

I never actually MAKE any caramels, and no one actually gets any presents from me, but at least I didn't shell out $8.95 for shipping.


Anonymous said...

Gawd, you make me laugh!

super des said...

descriptions = too funny.

I hate the ones that make you pay a flat rate shipping for the amount of money you spend. Once I ordered a shirt, and since I was still within the shipping bracket, a lipstick. Then they didn't send me the shirt, so I got a *very* expensive lipstick in the mail.

mar said...

since i'm already bombarded by mrs field's catalogs, having never purchased anything from them, i've decided that i'm actually going to buy something this year. it'll make a good generic gift for the in-laws & will encompass both parents & the little sister who still lives at home. who doesn't love mini-muffins & brownies?
but you're right; the shipping is a b#$%@.

mothergoosemouse said...

Catalog and online retailers ought to have learned by now that the way to secure sales is to decrease shipping costs. Tack it onto the item cost - even just a portion of it - and they'd see so many more conversions.

Then again, sometimes I'm willing to pay the exorbitant shipping costs if it means I can avoid the mall parking lot.

ByJane said...

my experience pretty much also--this year i'm just tossing them because i'm soooooooo much wiser now.

Count Mockula said...

Bahahaa! That is why I'm an Amazon Prime member. I could order a Kleenex or an anvil, and they'd ship it to me free!

Well, free other than the fact that I pay to be a member.

Julie said...

I got rid of most of my catalogs by joining something called "greendimes." It really does work, for something like 3.00 a monht - AND (supposedly) they plant a tree for you too.

Average Jane said...

Now I remember why I stopped buying clothes from Eddie Bauer!

I'm with Julie on the GreenDimes thing. I haven't completed the vital last step yet, but already I think my junk mail has decreased.

Suzanne said...

Some places will give you free shipping if you order a certain dollar amount and then you can take your returns to the store locations. This is why if I want one $15 item from the Gap or Ann Taylor, I order $100 worth of stuff and immediately return $85 of unwanted items at the store as soon as they arrive. usually it winds up in the same credit card billing period, so I am home free.

Staci Schoff said...

Hilarious descriptions! I just went to the mail store Saturday and spent like twice as much on shipping as I'd spent on the gifts - I know I could have done better if I'd gone to the post office during the week, but I'm not that organized or on the ball.

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