11 December 2007

On the road again

At 3 a.m., I was cheering because MY ALARM WAS GOING OFF! I set it correctly! Woo hoo!

Of course, by then I had been awake for an hour, so the point is moot, but STILL! I am in my 5th decade and I CAN SET AN ALARM hear me roar!

Next up: tying shoelaces correctly.

Flying rule #28: Every airplane must contain at least one fully sick, coughing, snotting, germ-spewing toddler. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.

Flying rule #14: Every airplane must also contain one old man with really bad gas. He must sit in the row in front of you. This is for your own safety. Apparently terrorists are deathly afraid of the farting elderly. Again, my apologies, but this is according to the Transportation Security Administration rule 530.11.

True Travel Confession #1: I forgot to take my makeup out of my backpack and put it in a tray in its plastic bag, even though it contained liquids and gels.

True Travel Confession #2: It was a GALLON sized ziplock, not a quart. If I disappear tomorrow, please tell my mom what happened to me.

All in all, a relatively nice day of travel. Except for the part where I almost missed my connection because the airport restaurant was busy screwing up my order (I can assure you ma'am, that I would NEVER order the black bean soup on a trip that involves an evening business meeting with my bosses. Nevah!)

They had to call my name and stuff. It is pretty surreal for me, Miss Pathologically Early, to hear my name called over the loudspeakers by an annoyed gate agent.

I have heard those announcements SO OFTEN and thought "What losers those people are!"

Hey, guess what? I'm a loser, too!

I caught a ride from a guy with an electric cart. Thank you, Mr. Man, whoever you are.

They had the doors locked and the gate agent had taken off, but after I stood at the door, shaking it on its hinges and sobbing, "Pleeeeeaaaaase, oh, pleeeeease, can't someone HELP me??? Oh cruel fate!" a nice guy unlocked the door and let me, sweating and redfaced in.

I had to make the Walk of Shame down the skinny little airplane aisle. I knew what all those other passengers were thinking.

I am NOT a loser.


Suzanne said...

Where in the world is Suebob? I don't envy you that adventure at all. However, I take exception to Rule #14. The person with really bad is not elderly, as I unfortunately, am often that person. I eat a lot of things that I should not while I travel. Sorry about that.

And you? Not a loser. Those other people are just stoopid.

Mrs. G. said...

This post, along with my fear of crashing and dying, is the reason I don't fly.

Mignon said...

I've been that loser, I mean person. I was reading Lonesome Dove at the wrong gate, and in the middle of the cattle drive I couldn't figure out why my name was being shouted above the HEEs! and HAWs!

You wear a gallon of make-up?

QT said...

OMG - You and I are must be travel-twins.

I always take the obnoxiously early flight and NEVER sleep the night before for fear that I have set the alarm incorrectly.

I have been paged before, but I was on the toilet with the trots, so that was my excuse... I had to get rid of that baggage before I boarded, yo.

super des said...

The last time I flew, nobody even cared about my stupid 3oz liquids. I forgot to take them out of my suitcase, and nobody said a word. Same thing on the way home.

Mom Ma'am Me said...

"Apparently terrorists are deathly afraid of the farting elderly."

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'd like to embroider this line on a throw pillow.

Oh, The Joys said...

Note to SUEBOB: It's not really the old man with the gas. That would be me.

BOSSY said...

Lucky thing Bossy doesn't double as Airport Security.

MsLittlePea said...

I love to travel. I even like the anxiety of it all...weird huh?
I just got caught up on your posts the last few days and I love old pictures, am planning to take a self defense class, can wake up anytime I want to too! :O)

Have a great trip.

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