13 December 2007

O Canadick

Gaining Altitude
Taking off over Santa Monica early morning

What is it with airplanes? Jumping Jehosephat, it's what, a few hours out of your life? Get in, sit down, shut up, hang on. It will be over before you know it.

But NOOOOOOO. Some people turn into weird kinds of monsters when they fly. Their everyday personalities peel away to reveal the stinking garbage heaps of soulessness that lies just beneath.

Like the lady that ran over my foot with her OH THAT IS SO NOT CARRY ON luggage in order to get ahead of me in the line to board the same plane that was going to take us all to the same place at the same time. She didn't say "excuse me," didn't even acknowledge me in any way, just stood there right in front of me in line with her thin shoulders all tensed up like they have obviously been since 1963.

Or Mr. Man in front of me, who sat in a seat that was not assigned to him because it was in an empty row and then began to shriek when a guy sat next to him. The guy next to him, mind you, was in HIS assigned seat.

The plane was already delayed 45 minutes and Mr. Man held it up further, demanding to be able to return to his assigned seat - a seat that was now occupied by a baby.

Mr. Man didn't care if everyone on the plane had to be shuffled around. He said as much. He wanted his assigned seat.

God love the flight attendant, who told him "That will not be happening now. It MAY happen IF we get this plane in the air and IF it all works out."

Then the plane was overweight and Mr Man and I both volunteered to get off (because of the delay, I had already missed my connecting flight and this way I got $200 in travel vouchers and was automatically rerouted - cool!)

Mr Man proceeded to give the people at the gate lip up one side and down the other, telling and retelling his "I didn't get my assigned seat" story as well as bitching about random stuff, like how he had to give them his address to get the travel voucher.

He turned to me, his Canadian passport in hand.

"You should stand in the other line, since this woman obviously doesn't know what she is doing."

Have we not already covered why you should be nice to gate agents?

Normally I try to be a nice person and to let jerkness not get to me, but this time I snapped.

"I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice," I said. "You defy that stereotype."

"I just want to get OUT of here," he whined.

"Well, you were ON an airplane," I said. "No one made you get off, right? You could be gone by now and then you wouldn't be waiting in line."

I think he wished I was gone by now. I stayed in the same line and got wonderful service while 2 gate agents, another passenger and I trashed Mr Man for being the King Hell Psycho dude of the day.

Flying. It is basically just sitting there. Good gosh, get over it already.


Mrs. G. said...

It's time for the nice people of the world to unite against the a-holes of the world. Good start, friend.

Blog Antagonist said...

I'm not afraid of flying, but I absolutely loathe it. I loath is so much that I am willing to spend 18 hours in a car to get to my parent's house. And a large part of why I loath is so much, is assholes like that. Good for you for giving him what for.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Gate agents are a whole different breed, as this wife of a pilot has learned.

And that's all I say about that.

super des said...

ha ha ha
Sometimes just sitting there isn't complicated enough.

Amy U. said...

Damn, I wonder how many Canadians will offer to apologize to you for this guy's assfacedness?

Andrea said...

I think I love you for standing up to him. What a jerk.

Hopefully his luggage went to Istanbul or somewhere equally obscure to his destination.


Stacey said...

people can be such turds.


Mignon said...

Best blog title I've seen in years.

Belindalouwho said...

What's a Canadick?


ie said...

I traveled every week for five years for a previous job.

I not only saw/heard everything, I would watch my boss turn into one of those tense-shouldered women who better get the f*** out of her way and who better get upgraded right-damn-now.

I'm glad you survived fairly unscathed.

Mrs. Swizzle said...

Love the title.

I was thinking about that Canadian stereotype, too.

I'm not sure why people turn nutty on planes. Maybe being surrounded by so much metal interferes with their synapses.

I think people like that need more people like you in their everyday lives.

mar said...

i think everyone needs more suebob in their every day lives, but this just made me laugh out loud. way to put him in his place.

Alex Elliot said...

I also enjoyed the title! Flying does seem to bring out the worst in some people.

meno said...

Oh well done!

"I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice."

Now i'm smiling.

mamatulip said...

It's guys like that who bring the rest of us NICE Canadians down!

(Seriously...people like that are half of the reason why I don't fly. The other half is made up of my unnatural fear of flying.)

Dana J. Tuszke said...

I can only imagine how frustrating that whole experience was. I haven't flown in damn near 15 years -- but I'll be going to NYC in April (blogher business here I come).

Is it weird that I'm looking forward to seeing how crazy people on airplanes can be?


FENICLE said...

That is a lovely picture you captured!

mothergoosemouse said...

Beautiful photo!

And you're the kind of person I'd like to fly with.

Kris said...

Nicely done. Too often dillholes like that get out of the situation without anyone handing it to them on a plate. Well played, my friend. Thank you, from all of us who regret not stepping up to the plate and putting someone in their place who is mean to others.

B said...

well ill be one canadick that says .. that idiot is a rare breed of canadian, I have lived in Sweden for 20 years and recently visited T.O. and there I was pleasently surprised at the politeness and good manered persons I met, but as you say flying or just travelling bringfs out another beast and canadicks can be just as much a dick as the next

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