29 March 2008

Absolutely accurate scale drawing #2

This drawing illustrates exactly what is wrong with my kitchen. It was designed by someone who obviously never
1) Did dishes or
2) Cooked

The dish problem is that the only light source in the kitchen is above and behind the body doing dishes, thus rendering the sink a sea of darkness. I remedied this by putting a desk lamp over there where I can try to electrocute myself, but so far I remain among the living.

And problem #2 is the 4 total linear feet of counter space. Oh, food prep is highly overrated. If you have to clean it, trim it or cut it into pieces, it probably isn't good for you, anyway.

Added bonus problem - the oven door of the 1946 O'Keefe and Merritt stove (a real beauty) does not shut tightly. When I suggested to my landlord that he might invest $50 in some new springs and installation, he said this:

"Hey, this might sound kind of strange, but bear with me here -- you could get a 2x4 board and wedge it between the door and the wall."

I am not making this up.

The wall is about 7 feet away. I want to WEDGE a BOARD against the oven door, BISECTING my kitchen, and dislodge it every time I want to check the progress of my cookies??

That apparently made more sense to him than just fixing it already. Because fixing it already required MONEY (the man is not poor. He has over 20 rental units and spends about 6 months a year traveling).

So that's my kitchen tour, and an explanation of why I eat Trader Joe's boxed soup about 5 nights a week.


Anonymous said...

Like the butternut squash soup? Mmmm, but I digress.

That 2x4 comment will surely now be added to the canon of Bizarre Landlord Avoidance Tactics. I had trouble even keeping up w/ the spatial nightmare of it.

More drawings!

Jess said...

Gorgeous stove!

Could you put in a counter between the existing counter and the stove?

Anonymous said...

Wow. Perhaps I will stop complaining about about the leaking ceiling in my kitchen. It's annoying but I can chop and cook.

Stay strong and thank goodness for TJ's.

Anonymous said...

Trader Joe's boxed soups sound oddly appealing. :-)

Karen Bodkin said...

We have the same amount of counter space. It blows.

super des said...

Wow, that's exactly how my 1st apartment in NYC was. I hated it.

Day Dreamer said...

If you were closer I would donate our electric stove, and bitch slap your landlord.

I rented a garage appartment once that had a kitchen on a slant. I couldn't leave a pen or pencil on my kitchen table because it would roll off!!

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh, I empathize. My kitches in large, but very poorly planned. All the work space is crammed into on corner. It's insane.

You're landlord sounds like a real prince.

Count Mockula said...

I had a kitchen worse than that, but it was in a studio, so what are you going to do. But my friend Matt bought a house with a kitchen like that. I shudder.

My favorite TJ's boxed soup is roasted red pepper.

Skye @ Planet Jinxatron said...

There was a super-cute little house for sale in my former neighborhood, which was where I really wanted us to buy. It looked like a good option until I realized that if we lived there, the only things we'd ever be able to cook were toasted bagels, and even then you'd probably have to toast half at a time.

Anonymous said...

Was your house built in '54 like mine? My kitchen layout similar. Itty. Bitty. Its frightening really.

Bruce Johnson said...

You should have been an architect.....on second thought...YOU ARE!!!!

Suzanne said...

I have no counter space next to my sink, so the dish rack drains onto the counter behind the sink.

But that is not important. No, what is important is your future book. It's full of your excellent diagrams and will be a huge hit. Then you can buy your house and renovate your kitchen to your specs after drawing a fine new diagram of it.

Anonymous said...

Have the oven repaired, and next time you pay rent, include a copy of the receipt, and reduce your rent check by the amount of the repair costs.

It's ridiculous, because even if he had no money at all, any improvements made on a rental property are tax deductible.

Bah! Landlords!

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