I think I'm having a midlife crisis. I feel stuck. There are so many things I want to change about myself but for some reason I don't change them.
I bore myself.
I frustrate myself.
I am mad at myself.
Of course some of it is the weight, but there are other things, too. My crabbiness. My messiness. My laziness, my lack of ambition or focus.
I usually am not down with the Apostle Paul since he was such an annoying busybody, but this I can relate to: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
2000 years later, I totally get what he was saying.
*****
But on the other hand, it is Commenter Appreciation Day. Honestly, you people make my life worth living. People like Suzanne and Des and even The Angel Apologist. Especially my feed subscribers. 95 of y'all on bloglines - I know that is like a pimple on Dooce's ass, but it is HUGE and happy to me. Bless you all. Thank you. You rock, and I hope you win the lotto but are the good happy kind of lotto winners, not the kind who bankrupt themselves in the first year by giving money to their ungrateful cousins and then spend the rest of their lives in abject misery.
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18 comments:
How about us Luddites that haven't signed up for Bloglines yet?
I check your blog every single day, so if you *are* having a midlife crisis, you still have to write about it or I will be all bored and sad and stuff ;)
Wanna come have an installment of your midlife crisis down here? Come get all hormonal and stuff down at the Wild Animal Park with me, it'll be fun to piss off the predators ;)
Do I ever get sick of myself? All the damn time. I'm in kind of identity limbo right now...so I'm blaming my problems on that. I start college in the fall, and hopefully, that'll cure what ails me.
Hey, don't forget to appreciate yourself, too! Since you are a commenter, too. And so much more.
Wow, that Paul was ahead of his time. I wonder that same thing ALL the time.
Here's to figuring out how to change that!
Do I get sick of myself? OMG yes.
I'm sorry you're feeling blue - but I hope you keep writing. I could never get sick of you cuz I loves you and stuff.
Awwwww, I hope I win the lotto too!
But I was gonna say, you should dye your hair pink and join a punk band. Go on a world tour, until you get sick of the rock n roll lifestyle. Then return to your cute little bungalow near the beach with your dog.
:)
I will be an awesome Lotto winner. I promise.
(Do you hear that God? Awesome! Promise!)
If I won the lotto I would probably end up being one of those people who say things like "I used to be a millionaire, but look at all my stuff!".
Perk up!
I'm so sorry you are having issues with yourself. I love your writing. It grounds me and uplifts me and most importantly, it makes me smile. I'm one of your 95, over here in Japan, and I'm grateful for you.
Sick of yourself? Oh honey, you're not alone. I'm sick of myself too and dammit I can't seem to do anything about it either. Sad to see that even back in Paul's time this was a problem. What does that say about the human race? Thousands of years and we still can't get it together.
If you've been keeping up with me and my diary, you KNOW I'm sick of myself! OMG, teh fat, the anxiety, the no motivation what-so-ever.... And it sucks, cuz we're awesome!
And, it ROCKS that you have close to 100 readers! I have four.
Oh my gosh, I have always wondered if that's why I haven't won the lottery. I have promised so many people money that I'd probably HAVE to give it all away. My son just got his license today. I'm probably gonna have a heart attack any day now. I'm not bored with you if that's any consolation! I think you ROCK!
Yes, I can relate to what Apostle Paul had to say as well. I never thought I'd find myself saying something like that, but wisdom is wisdom. Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough period. I'm always happy to hear from you, though, whether its on your blog, from you on my blog, or in email (or best) in person. You could never be boring! Not even if you tried.
As for the lotto, I think there's some statistic that many winners pour their earnings into Dunkin' Donuts franchises, thinking it'll be a good investment and they only need to work a little to avoid boredom (hey, maybe you are so rich with personality that you are bored with yourself?), but in the end, they don't know how to run a donut franchise and go broke.
yep, visit you daily. and you have no idea how much i appreciate you reading my piddly little ponderings.
sorry you're feeling sick of yourself. i hope it's a brief phase. i feel rather stagnant lately myself. maybe that's the reason for my recent spending spree (car, laptop, lush binge, nintendo ds, um, i'll stop now) sans lotto win.
You are perfect the way your are. I love you, your words of wisdom and complaint, you make the world right for me. We all get tired and crabby but in the end somehow it all turns out ok.
love you lots,
me
Isn't my sis (Elvie) the best?? She can STILL make it all better.
i often feel like i would like to drop myself off on the corner and pick myself up later. For a little break, you know. although an out and out vacation from myself wouldnt be amiss either.
also, i'm with des, dye your hair pink! come over and badger and i will d it for you.
:)
I think I do. Thursday night I cried and came pretty close to deleting my blog, burning my laptop and shredding all of my old journals and notes.
It sucks when life sucks and you can't even motivate yourself to try to change it.
I'm way behind on blog reading, so I hope you're feeling better now.
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