I was at a street fair the other day when I saw a woman angrily saying to a guy who was probably her father: "Why? Why did you have to do it like that?"
I don't know what he had done or what problem he had caused. I was only walking by for the aftermath and I was tempted to stop and give her one of my main secrets to happiness: Don't ask "Why?"
Oh, I know it is tempting. When something goes wrong, we want to do something. And if there is nothing to be done, we still want to do something, and the handiest something that comes up is to try and make the other person feel guilty.
I have been there 1000 times myself, and I have asked why more times than I can count. What have I got for my trouble? Fights. Hurt feelings. Resentment. Ruined hours and days.
To ask why is to assume the other person is guilty. To tell them, in not so many words, that you think they are thoughtless at best and a malicious idiot at worst.
I remember one time when a certain Person I Used to Live With and I were out in the garage. We were having some kind of issue and I accidentally set off the garage door opener, frightening him.
He yelled at me "WHY did you do that?" and I yelled the only thing I could think of back "Because I am obviously a f***ing moron, that's why, that's what you think, isn't it?" Good times!
My Suebobian advice? The next time the Bad Thing happens, don't ask why. Just do what you need to make it better. If you can just exercise that moment of self-restraint, your life will be so much happier for it. I promise.