Betchfest Ahoy!

Catherine from Her Bad Mother and Her Bad Mother's Basement came up with a stellar idea: a week of anonymous or semi-anonymous rants on other people's blogs. Stuff you wouldn't normally say on your own (maybe) but that you just have to get out of your system.

I got this via Josh at Raging Dad. It was supposed to be on a different blog, but he got stuck with me when she dropped out. Dude included a bunch of photos with instructions about how to justify them. Josh, have you ever seen this blog before? I am so proud I figured out how to change the text color in my template, and that was 3 years ago and I haven't changed anything since. So. You gets what you gets.

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I am sitting in front of my trusty Raging MacBook, trying to decide what to rant about. What an opportunity: Space on a total stranger's blog, where I can go on and on about how irritated by people who are more than likely reading my blog already, rendering it a useless vessel with which to gripe about them.

And I've got writer's block.

Don't get me wrong, I've got plenty to complain about, just ask my wife, Raging Mom. She'll tell you I complain all the time. Isn't that irritating? Man, she can just... Oh, I guess I just made my point, didn't I?
What to do. Here's something that bugs me: Raging Mom is totally afraid that a serial killer will crawl into our children's windows at night, and we need to lock up like Ft. Knox as soon as we go to bed. This spring we had new windows installed in our house, so now we can "vent" them at night now, as long as they have the little plastic tab sticking out to prevent Jack the Ripper from getting through the gap where precious, precious fresh air can openly pass. 'Cause he couldn't break those little tabs, you know.

How was that? Yeah, uninspired. Certainly nothing to force me to make this an anonymous post. And really, Raging Mom actually has a good point anyway. I read Under the Banner of Heaven, and that shit is SCARY.

Okay, let's try this. I have issues getting along with one of my twin boys, Sonny. He is almost four, and I am totally irrational about how I let him get my goat and lead me to drink from the Trough Of Insanity. Oh wait, I already openly blog about this flaw of mine at my own blog. I sure do love that little kid. And the others too—we have an almost six-year-old daughter and the twin boys are almost four. But I already said that, right? Focus, Raging Dad! You are rambling!

If only I could just focus. I can't seem to do it to save my life. Have I always been this way? Shit, I've already covered that topic too.

Here's something that bugs the hell out of me: What is with this Sarah Palin decision? I mean, does McCain really think that the women of this country are that naive? Do they think that simply having a vagina is gonna be enough to sway the women of America to vote against their interests? I mean, we've never done THAT before as a nation. Oh wait, yes we have. Seriously, though. Isn't that a bit insulting?

Did you like that? It was original material, baby. You won't find any of that genius over at http://ragingdad.net. Just call me Raging Ponyboy. Stay gold, Raging Pony, stay gold.

Here's something ELSE that pisses me off. Oh, does this just get me riled up: The Oxford Comma. I know, I know. I should have warned you earlier that I was gonna bring it up. What can I say, I am just naturally prone to throwing controversy out there, unannounced. But really, doesn't it just get you foaming at the mouth? To crib from one of our modern-day greats, "People who put in all the commas betray themselves as moral weaklings with empty lives and out-of-date reference books." That's Lynn Truss, in her brilliant 2004 book, Eats, Shoots and Leaves, p. 97–98. But don't look it up unless you are ready to take this subject on. Oxford Comma, why do you vex me so?!

In closing, here's one more thing that I'd like to gripe about. I hate it when bloggers totally take advantage of a serious opportunity to get some real issues off their chest, and just bombard me with their own crap. Who do they think they are? What a bunch of Raging Jerks!

Hey, if you enjoyed this little "rant," make sure to come over to my blog to see what a real Bitchfest post looks like. This fine mommy blogger actually took the assignment seriously and posted some serious shit that really out to be read. You can skip all the other crap you'll find over there. :)