06 January 2009

Next up, a plague of locusts

What kind of day was it? Verily I say unto you, it was the kind of day where I thought "Well, at least I have a blog so I can write about all this badness" but then I thought "But I only have an hour before I go to bed and I don't know if I can write it all down in just one hour."


This morning I got up and started doing dishes. I poured out yesterday's coffee and almost a whole bottle of wine (yes, I know that wrecks my credentials as a dyed-in-the-wool lush because a real drunk never wastes alcohol, but it just wasn't very good. Beaujolais-Villages).

The drain started running slowly...can you hear the shark music playing?


I walked into the bathroom and the former contents of the kitchen sink now occupied the bathroom sink. Coffee, wine, hot soapy water, bits of verdure, oat flakes...oh it was glorious. And stinky! Hot coffee wine soap water at 6:30 AM!

I had to leave to take the car to the shop because of the busted white trash car window. I asked the shop to finish ASAP because Goldie's ear was swelling up I had to get her to the vet, and they gladly agreed.

I got the shuttle home and called the vet.

Suebob: Can I have a late afternoon appointment?
Vet office girl: How about noon? Is noon ok?
Suebob: I was thinking of something late in the afternoon. Do you have anything later?
Vet office girl: One PM?
Suebob: Have you begun to reproduce yet? Because I will pay you to not contribute to the gene pool.

Ok, maybe I didn't say that exact last sentence. But.

We settled, after some several rounds of further negotiation, on 4:50 pm.

Then the auto shop called. Of course they did. And was the car done? No it was not.

They called to tell me that the thieves not only broke the $335 window (genuine Honda parts and labor), they also broke the little arm that attaches the window motor to the window.

The little arm is a part that the shop does not stock, but somewhere in a galaxy far, far away does and can FedEx it at an enormously large charge so I can have my car back sometime before the next Pleiades meteor showers. And it isn't going to be $335 any more but now it will be more like twice that. Haha.

"Can I at least have my car back until then?" I asked plaintively. I was plaintive by that point.

No, because the door was in pieces. Of course. So I had to rent a car to take my dog to the vet.

Please read that sentence again and absorb the full fun content. I had to rent a car to take my dog to the vet.

I mean, it could be worse. I could live under the Taliban. But it still seems to be adding insult to injury. Because my car got robbed and broken so some crackheads could steal a free gym bag and dirty socks, I had to rent a car to take my sick dog to the vet. That ain't right.

And when I asked the rental place for their oldest, dirtiest beater because I was going to be transporting a large, furry, drooly beast in their rental auto, they said "All we have is this really nice one with a black leather interior."

Oh, leather -- like the leather seats that Goldie punctured with her claws in the exMrStapler's car? Why, yes, leather seats just like that.

(I am not going to mention my work day other than to say: If people would just listen to me the first time, things would not go like they do. But no.)

So I lined the interior of the car with bathroom rugs and sheets and comforter covers and put t-shirts over the seats - basically anything I could find to keep Goldie from befouling the interior of the rental car - and took her to the vet, where she had her aural hematoma drained, the one that the vet had said on Saturday would probably drain itself. But no, it didn't.

At the vet on TwitPic
Click thru and look how thick her ear is. Eeew.

$100.93 worth of drainage. So I'm down $850 for the day, more or less, and the plumbing is still backed up because I just can't deal with it today. Can not.

But dinner with your BFF will cure everything, right? And it almost did. CC and I talked and laughed over Vietnamese food for 2 hours, which was great -- until we came out and found her keys locked in her car in the dark and lonely parking lot.

No. No! Yes.

Triple A, phone call, half an hour. Done. We called the tow truck driver, Chris, "our hero" and gave him a hug and he blushed nicely.

So that was my day. My dog's ear is flat, my car is still broked, my dad is alive and well, and I...I am surviving. How are you?


Project Christopher said...

If it helps.... you have made me feel much better about my day yesterday. I didn't travel home to SC to see my family as we decided to postpone it so we could all be together in February when I traveled to Charleston (MY HOMETOWN) to help manage a conference. Yesterday my boss tells me I won't be going since she's primary lead on the conference. But you're right, I could be living under the Taliban. Oh well.... I would have rented a car for the dog too :) She's a cutie and well worth it :)

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

For some reason "Hot coffee wine soap water" seems like an excellent blog name to me. I don't know why.

Hope Goldie's doing well this morning and hope your day goes better because, Wow.

g said...

Oh, Sueb0b! So sorry - although it sounds like you weathered it just fine. And Goldie did too.

Funny thing is I had a car-trouble and rental car day, too, on Monday. And I wrote a post about it.

lizgwiz said...

I've had days like that. Not yet this year, though! *fingers crossed*

Kizz said...

Oh for the love of all that is chocolate what a damned day! Makes you wish that crackheads read blogs.

I have always feared aural hematomas since Emily's ears are so BIG. Thank you for showing me that they aren't as gross as I thought they would be. Still gave me a little BLEARGH shiver but not as gross as I thought.

Here's to a better day!

Issas Crazy World said...

I'm thinking you should buy a lottery ticket. Because eventually your luck will change. It has too, I'm pretty sure.

Hope today is better and less expensive.

LittlePea said...

I would be goring on ice cream right about now if I had a day like yours. I hope Goldie's feeling better. If only these dogs knew what we do for them....

super des said...

That's a hell of a day. I hope you have some Tanqueray handy :)

Manic Organic said...

I will follow your blog based soley on the text "Have you begun to reproduce yet? Because I will pay you to not contribute to the gene pool." Hilarious. I wish my days were filled with mechanical troubles and plumbing failures. Seems like a dream next to association disorder and mid-life crises multiplied. I'll take the sink girlfriend, and the car. That I can deal with. My craziness is yours if you would like to barter.

Major Bedhead said...

I think, after a day like that, I would have come home and drunk the hot coffee wine soap water, consequences be damned.

meno said...

I believe this must be the universe's way of telling you to stay home, in bed, with the covers over your head.

mar said...

i had a pretty bad day yesterday & kinda broke down (the impending new decade seems to have thrown me into an awful state of mind), but if that had happened i'm not sure i would have weathered it half so well.
and in the end, it makes a delightful blog post.

Mamma said...

Seriously, the only way to deal with a day like that is exactly like you did.

And you made me snort too.

Job well done madame!!

West Coast Grrlie Blather said...

Ouch. Car thingy plus plumbing thingy plus vet. A most unpleasant vortex.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Crap. I'm out about $800 today just on vet bills. Sigh. Thankfully doggy is OK, so I'll count my blessings.

Regarding work, why, oh why, cannot my boss read my detailed, informational emails to him BEFORE calling me and asking me the things I wrote in the email? Grr. And yes, perhaps he's drunk. He sounded it last time. And we all work from our respective homes, so it's possible.

ptooie said...

hmmm.... I like Beaujolais-Villages, so long as it's Jadot's version. But if it was the other one I tried then I understand perfectly pouring it out.
What a day full of crud. I hope the week improves for you.

Mary said...

I don't understand. Could Todd not have helped out? And he looks like such a cute hubby too! Were the kids not completely grossed out by the ickiness? I can just see little Pandora now yelling "Mom! There's something wrong with the bathroom and I NEED to fix my hair! Make it stop!" I'm pretty sure you had to keep itty-bitty Ron from going in to investigate - how'd that work for you?

I kill me. really... Hoping the family is all well...

claire said...


Just one of those things would have made me go back to bed. I could not have dealt with all of them in one day. I would be crying if i were you.

Average Jane said...

Ouch. All I can say is I hope everything gets better now.

Deb on the Rocks said...

Shit. That is the worst day ever. You must have been getting all of your Mondays for 2009 out of your system.

Deodand said...

You'd better get the car window fixed ASAP because if the Pleiades or any other meteors are coming down, they are going to land right on your head. I think the Universe is out to get you.

Caffeinatrix said...

When my children are being ingrates, I'm totally gonna say " You could be living under the Taliban!"

Thanks for the inspiration. Hope your run of shit luck is now over!

one smarmy mama said...

fwiw, it takes more than a few days for them to drain. :) Stellas took a good two weeks to go back to normal. At least now we all know what to look for if/when it happens again. these old girls like to freak us out.

Gwen said...

And .... that oughta do it for 2009, don't ya think? It's gotta be all rainbows and pink hearts from here on out.

mothergoosemouse said...

One of those days where you keep thinking someone's got to jump at you and say "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"


Suzanne said...

The most important thing is that Goldie is OK. Right?

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