Just not smart

School has started again and I can already tell it's going to be another replay of last year: not good.

My teacher is saying the same things I always hear. I have to "concentrate." I need to "stop being so distracted." I should "try to pay attention." But it is hard when I stink at every single subject.

First of all, we dance two hours a day. I used to like to dance. But in this class, we have to memorize routines and since I can't tell left from right, I am always turning in the wrong direction and then I get all mixed up and embarrassed and I never quite catch up again. Everyone always makes fun of me for bumping into them and for tripping over my feet.

And then there is Spatial Relationships. We are supposed to take these puzzle pieces and build these three-dimensional objects. I am so bad at this. My objects always come out with a couple pieces left over and they look NOTHING like the sample. Sometimes the teacher puts up slides and we have to say what the object would look like if it were flipped over. I get almost all of those wrong.

The teacher says if I would study harder, I would be better at that. But I'm telling you I can study for all night and I still manage to mess those up! She gives me these looks like she doesn't believe me. She even rolled her eyes at me yesterday.

Mechanical Aptitude is a bad one for me too. We have to learn to operate all kinds of machinery. When the levers and knobs are labeled, it isn't a problem, but this year we are supposed to be able to operate the machines with no labels, just by memory. I am always pulling the wrong switch so things clash together and make terrible noises.

Musical Performance is hard. I am trying piano this year since I could never figure out drums last year. I practice for hours, but my fingers just don't seem to find the right keys and all the notes sound alike to me. No one believes this. They say I should work harder.

I wish we had more literature and spelling. But there have been cutbacks, so we only get an English teacher for an hour every two weeks. They say we are supposed to be studying the essentials, not spending time on luxuries like reading and writing. But that is the only thing I am good at, and that hour is the only time I ever, ever feel happy at school.

I wish I weren't so stupid. I wish people didn't make fun of me. I hate school. I don't know why I have to go.

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I'm not considered learning-disabled. I'm good at English and Math, so school was always easy for me. I tried to imagine what school would have been like for me if they focused on subjects I wasn't good at, which is what school is like for dyslexic kids every day - even though they may have amazing talents in other areas.