12 February 2010

I'm going to hell for laughing at this

I hope none of you are first-time readers, because this is bad. I should not even write this. But you know how I am - I can't stop myself.

Today my legally blind 91-year-old Dad and I went to the pharmacy, one of those monster chain stores.

He said he needed to get "bug juice," which means, in Dad lingo, "deodorant." (The apple does not fall far from the tree, does it?)

I found the deodorant aisle. He is one of the last three people on earth to use spray deodorant.

"This one?" I asked, picking up the Right Guard that I was fairly sure I had bought him the last time he was out.

"No," he said. He also rejected all of the other brands that were there.

"Are you sure?" I asked, pretty darn sure about the Right Guard.

"That's not it."

"Well, it is on sale two for the price of one," I said, knowing that would get his attention.

Done. Two cans of Right Guard.

Not done.

"I don't think it was on that aisle," he said. "I think it was in the back corner."

We trudged around the store, Dad picking up random items - pregnancy test, curling iron - and saying "No, that's not it."

"I really think they keep all the deodorant in one place," I gently suggested.

"It's here some place," he said, continuing the search.

Finally he gave up and we bought our two cans of deodorant and went home.

Mom and I were chatting in the kitchen when Dad emerged from his bathroom with a spray can.

"THIS is what I was looking for," he said, triumphantly.

"Ummmmmm.....errrrrr...." I said.

"Oh, no," Mom said softly.

I had to break it to him.

"Dad - that's not deodorant. That's generic Lysol."


Belinda said...

Oh, that is delicious. Did you tell him?

Erin said...

Oh my. My oh my. That is really, really funny. I am curious, though, did it work?

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Seems like it would work, though, right?

Anonymous said...

You would go to hell for NOT laughing at this. Very funny.

the new girl said...

Well. At least we know his pits are GERM FREE.


Mir said...

I love your dad SO MUCH right now. ;)

mar said...

that's definitely bug/germ juice.
oh sb!

AmyMusings said...

This is my first time reading your blog and I hope you continue on this trend. I like it!!

LittlePea said...


Pretty tame in comparison to what I found out about Lysol's former life!!

Jessica said...

Ditto on Lysol's former life - frightening enough on the pits, can you just IMAGINE it as a coochie cleanser!?


I'm betting he'll be happier with the Right Guard, now.

Ericka said...

that. is. awesome. i <3 your dad.

Schmutzie said...


flutter said...

ok, you are hysterical

Working Girl said...

Sue Bob,

Would you invite me to read your Oaxaca diary? I'm thinking about studying there in May, and I wanted to read it again.

Anonymous said...

At least you won't be going to hell alone! Thanks for the chuckle!!

Shelley said...

Ahhh...poor Dad! Hillious though. I don't think I ever told anyone this, but when I was a kid (teenager) I found what I thought were acne cleaning pads under my grandparents bathroom cabinet sink. I used them to clean my face until I finally read the label and realized what they were. Tucks pads; Uses

Temporarily relieves these external symptoms associated with hemorrhoids:
•irritation Oops! You can tell your dad to make him feel better!

Stephanie said...

I laughed so hard my daughter asked what's going on ;)

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