22 June 2006

10 Things that piss me off

First - today on Linkateria:transgendered children, bad weddings, bad hair days and an experiment in Black Media Immersion.

Mrs. Fortune started this today and I am following along like a lemming.

10 things that piss me off

1. Tinted windows in cars. Pedestrians can't see what drivers are looking at and other drivers can't see what they are looking at, either. Its rude, dangerous and inconsiderate, not to mention illegal.

2. Being told I am against America because I don't support the president's policies or the war. Dissent is a founding principle of this country. That's why it is enshrined in the FIRST Amendment to the Constitution. Without dissent, we might as well be the Soviets under Stalin.

3. Prejudice against homosexuals on religious grounds. Christians were against civil rights for African-Americans on religious grounds, too. I remember our Christian neighbors telling us that blacks and whites shouldn't marry because it was God's will. They were wrong then and they are wrong now. I just wish they would admit to being bigots.

4. People that have to open bathroom door handles with a paper towel. What are you, Howard Hughes? If you can't survive germs from the bathroom door handle, you might as well kill yourself now and remove your weak self from the gene pool. And thanks for throwing the towels on the floor by the door. Klassy.

5. Companies that call to do satisfaction surveys after they have performed a service for me. You know what would satisfy me? It would satisfy me not to be bugged by these kinds of calls. Believe me, if there was something wrong, I would have let them know. And if there was something truly outstanding, I would have let them know that, too. Just call me Mouthy McCommentpants.

6. Morning newspapers. When I got an afternoon paper, I used to come home from work, wait for John, my 76-year-old paperboy to deliver my daily news, make a cup of coffee, toss in a splash of Kahlua and have a pleasant half-hour reading on the porch. With a morning paper, I stagger out of bed, make breakfast, try to eat with one hand and flip pages with the other, all the while keeping one eye on the clock, knowing that if I take the time to read the long feature story, I have to take a 2 minute shower to make up for it. Its just not any fun. I cancelled my subscription. Pretty funny considering I work for the newspaper as my second job.

7. Lawns. Only people with children under 10 should be allowed to have more than 100 square feet of lawn. I mean, really, what is the point of all this labor-intensive pesticide-soaked water-wasting greenery? We're gonna miss the water when it is all gone.

8. Hummers. Not the kind that guys like. The kind with four wheels. To people who drive these monstrous things - no one thinks you're cool, except for other idiots. But I guess that is the target market.

9. Excess packaging. Does everything need to be hermetically sealed in tough plastic so that you come close to slicing off a finger on the package when trying to open it? I can't even open this stuff with those big fat shears from the kitchen that can chop through a raw chicken.

10. People who think that their little designer outfit gives them the right to look up and down their noses at your clothing with a bitchy expression on their face. These people are all over Southern California. I work with one egregious example. Little Coach bag, $200 jeans...I want to tell her that no matter what she wears, with that look on her mug, she ain't never gonna be pretty.

I had 10 things to be grateful for, too, but I forgot to email them to myself, so that will be another day.


gandhi rules said...

Good stuff. I particularly love 1. I'm in complete agreement to the annoyance factor of germs freaks. I believe that a consistent low dose of germs everyday brings the immune up.
I eat cheesy popcorn while walking dogs and I'll even lick my fingers, dog dirt and all. And every time I do it I think about people who use paper towels to open bathroom door handles and I hope one of them is watching.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

#1 is my favorite too.

I never could understand what could cause a person to walk around with that level of germ paranoia. These are people who drink coffee out of the coffee pot at work, right? And eat McDonalds? Which is actually grosser?

(I mean, I do all of these things, but I let my kids eat food that falls on the floor too. They need to build up their immune systems somehow)

madge said...

Since I don't read the paper (except on Sunday...sometimes) I can't get down with that one. But, I'm with you on EVERY SINGLE OTHER ITEM.

Argh, Germ Freaks! Errr, Satisfaction surveys! Hummers are for jack@sses! And, I hate my lawn.

Phew, thanks for the morning purge.

super des said...

I also agree with most.

The paper in the morning is good if you don't have to be somewhere... take your time, drink your coffee (and kahlua -yum!) wear your robe & slippers. but everything is good in the morning when you don't have to be somewhere. And I calue my sleep too much to get up extra early, just for this.

#10 - I get so much of this in NY. It's true, I don't own a single designer item, but your are wearing something really ugly and it cost a fortune. I could write "gucci" on my sunglasses, but that would ruin the cool retro-polka dot thing they have going on.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Tinted windows are great for kids (back windows that is).

Hummers - Humvees - truly idiotic.

Suzanne said...

I learned a lesson about #10 when I was in 6th grade. My family could not afford designer anything, but I lived in a very affluent area where anyone who did not wear designer stuff stuck out like a swore thumb. This is awful to someone in puberty, and I hoped and hoped that one day Guess jeans would be on sale or marked down enough that I could have a pair. One day, during back to school clothes shopping, we went to a discount store that was selling Guess jeans for $27. I begged my mom to stretch a bit so I could have a pair, and she agreed. Every time I wore the damn things, I made sure my pocket with the symbol was showing. Then one day I had a little arguement with a classmate and she rudely asked why I thought I was so great (which, as a side note, was totally not true - I had terrible self-esteem), and before I could stop myself, I said, "Because I wear Guess jeans." Oh man, oh man, I was so mortified. Years later, I found out the the guys behind Guess were horrible sexist pigs. To this day, they are one of the most expensive pairs of jeans I ever owned.

Sorry that was long, but you triggered a memory and there was no stopping it. Great list. I chortled in recognition and disgust with every point.

Mommy off the Record said...

I'm totally with you--on #2 and #5 especially. Though I do have tinted windows on my car. However, the front windows are only slightly tinted. I didn't want them but my husband INSISTED that we get them after we had the baby. He didn't want people seeing the baby in the back seat for fear that he would be kidnapped or something. OK, yes, he's a little overprotective.

one smarmy mama said...

Yep, especially hummers. They are my biggest pet peeve right now..........

spotted elephant said...

There's this new-fangled invention for removing germs picked up in the restroom: you wash your hands in the sink!

And hummers-if you want to drive a military vehicle then ENLIST!

Everything else you said.

super des said...

I did a list of things I am annoyed by on my blog today. I'm sure it was at least subconsciously inspired by this. But I often steal ideas from you.

You're my muse, dear Suebob.

lildb said...

number four. oh, god. number four!

also, numbers eight through ten. amen, sister.

that's some truthiness right there, sister.

(I woulda chimed in on number one, but it seems that others have it covered.)

Annie said...

In regards to #9: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wrap+rage

It's not old age, sickness, war or enviormental problems that's going to do me in; it's wrap rage. I'll be trying to open a new calculator or something and will either accidentally slit my wrist on the plastic or just keel over from a heart attack while screaming, "YOU ARE MINE! I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL!" ala Stephen Colbert.

Lisa said...

Hummers are my big pet peeve too. And growing up I had my fair share of those expensive kids to deal with. The ones who though the "right" jeans made them better than everyone else. Gah.

Anonymous said...

To say that Christians are against civil rights for black Americans on religious grounds is an absolute lie based on nothing more than your hatred for Christians.But what do you expect from anyone on the left.

SUEB0B said...

Anonymous...nope. I am old enough to remember the conversations with our neighbors. They said in front of me that blacks and whites should not marry because it was against the will of God. Fact. This was in about 1967 and that conversation sticks with me to this day. I did not make it up - the rest of my family remembers it as well. And plenty of Christian churches preached the same thing. That is not hatred. And BTW, there are plenty of Christians on the left.

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