21 July 2006

Shut my mouth and paint me red...

(I have NO idea what that title means, but Carol Kelsey-Frilot, my wonderful co-worker, used to say it all the time.)

My sis has been visiting from Seattle this week. She works at a high school up there. Are you sitting down? Because she says the latest kid-trend is - get this - leaving price tags on clothes.

Yep, it isn't enough to wear expensive designer duds. Now you have to be able to show proof you bought them FULL PRICE. Crazy, no?

My mom had the perfect question: what happens when they need to be washed?

Update: apparently the Beeb was onto this months ago.


A new one on me: I was invited to a wedding next weekend. Normally, I would have to send my regrets, because I am going to be at BlogHer. But no. I wasn't invited to the actual wedding. I was invited to a webcast of a wedding. No shit. Here are the instructions, condensed for your viewing pleasure (my comments in bold):

Your Friend Who Never Calls You Even Though You Leave Lots of Messages and His Fiancee You Have Never Met have listed you as potential online guests for their wedding. In order to ensure that you are able to view the wedding, we have put together the following tutorial.

1. At least a day or two before the wedding, if possible, visit our website at www.chapelofexploitativeinternetlove.com and click on "View a Wedding" in the left-hand panel. Choose any wedding that has the "free viewing" icon next to it, and click on the names of the couple in order to watch it. If a video starts, then you shouldn't have any problems viewing Your So-Called Friends' wedding.

2. deleted: blah blah blah troubleshooting It is highly recommended that you either watch on a high-speed connection or pay to download the wedding.How conveeeeenient that I can pay to download!

3. deleted: more instructions blah blah

4. Even though you aren't able to personally attend the wedding, interesting you should say that, because I wasn't actually INVITED to the wedding you can let the happy couple know of your love by having us deliver a toast or a gift to the couple on your behalf. Again, how convenient! Thank you for making it easy for me to drop some cash on this Click on the couple's names, and scroll down toward the bottom of the page, where you will see the links to order a toast or a gift. If you order a toast we will deliver the message that you write, along with a fresh-cut rose, to the couple directly following the wedding. Likewise, if you order gifts enough in advance for us to process the order, we will deliver them to the couple after the wedding (Usually even 10-15 minutes is enough time for us to retrieve the crappy gifts from the crappy gift vault, but the sooner the better). Please call or e-mail if you have any questions.

5. deleted: more instructions for the technologically challenged

As you prepare for the wedding, we hope you will join us in wishing the happy couple all the best in love and happiness for their marriage. We want to do what we can to help you feel included, too, even if you are a continent away. We want you to feel included - even though you AREN'T actually. Please do not hesitate to call or send us an e-mail if you have any questions or need help viewing the couple's video. It is our pleasure to assist you.

Enjoy the wedding!as you sit in your stained jammies peering at a choppy low-res picture on your 4-year-old Dell. Did you remember to send a gift? No? Click now! Really! We mean it! Cash would be best!

Best Wishes,

Chapel of the Exploitation


My spam subject lines have been getting more and more graphic and disturbing. Another reason not to have kids: so you don't have to explain when they ask you "Mom, what's 'Latina teen g3tting it in 3 h0les' mean?" as you are reading your emails.

Today's was kind of funny though: "My peenis is always hard and is able to move without interruption!" It leads me to want to know: Always? Really? Isn't that kind of inconvenient at the grocery store? And "able to move without interruption"? Do you usually have interruptions? What kind of interruptions? How long do they last? Is it really sort of a paralysis, or what?


giddybug said...

Ah, but that's the point — you're supposed to have enough full-price designer clothing you don't need to wear the same outfit twice.

super des said...

I've seen this around and was wondering WTF. I don't even leave the tags in that have washing instructions.

Toastedsuzy said...

I wouldn't be impressed by the price tag, but if the kids were wearing clothes with the little plastic security device still attached, that would be impressive. That would show they have skills.

Is it possible that who ever started the fad was being ironic?

Anonymous said...

Wow. That's pretty damn amazing.

Anonymous said...

The tag on the hat thing was torturing me several years ago in NYC. The subways were particularly good spotting ground for this strange, strange trend.

Um, that wedding thing is the most tasteless, bordering on offensive thing I've ever heard of.

Serious. The nerve!

Anonymous said...

As a future inner city middle school teacher, I am scared to death of the tag thing.

I love your mom's point about washing. Also... who has the balls to walk up and actually READ the tag??

I am so proud of my frugality... that I might start leaving on the 1.99 tag with the red line through it.

super des said...

that wedding thing is the worst things I've ever heard in my life.

Janet Evening said...


rolling my eyes.

noncommon said...

1. dumb kids

2. dumber parents

3. hate weddings

4. now i hate them even more

5. what is it with men and their penises?

6. and who the hell really cares?

Toastedsuzy said...

I agree about the online wedding bit; pretty rude. Not to mention ridiculous. Does anyone ever *want* to go to a wedding? Don't we just go because we'd be jerks not to get all dressed up and buy a toaster and keep our bitter, cynical (and prophetic) comments to ourselves.

Anonymous said...

WTF with the wedding thing?!? Tacky, tacky, tacky!!

SUEB0B said...

With the wedding I did something kind of passive aggressive. Ok, really passive aggressive. The email came from the fiance. I emailed her back.

Hi X,
I'm amazed! I didn't even know Fred was in a serious relationship much less that he was getting married! Crazy! He is SUCH a guy about keeping in touch. Anyway, it's nice to "meet" you. I hope you can use your female skills to whip him into shape and get him to call his old buddies every once in a while. I hope your wedding is great!


noncommon said...


Anonymous said...

I think we should all gather around your laptop at BlogHer, watch the wedding webcast and volunteer Mystery Science Theater 3000-style commentary. ;)

Anonymous said...

Ha! I kind of like Jane's suggestion.

So much tackiness, so little time.

Tangent: If you wear your purple hippie skirt (and you must; I have decided), then I will wear my mirror-bedecked purple hippie sundress.

SUEB0B said...

Supa - absolutely. I just checked - the skirt also sports a few mirrors. We will match!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

An online wedding. Forget cats and dogs living together, an online viewing of a wedding is the sign of the apocalypse.

Chantal said...

That wedding is more tasteless than asking someone to plunk down $2K to see them get married on a beach. At least I get an all inclusive vacation in the days before and after it.

belledame222 said...

So not surprised wrt price tags. and i do believe that the wearing of the little plastic security device happens, for practical reasons if nothing else, if you get my drift.

and i don't even just mean kids who couldn't afford it otherwise--i used to have a horrid little rich "friend" who (her and her buddies) thought it was great fun to go around and break into other peoples' cars. steal the stereo, joyride.

that wedding, though--BOGGLE.

never thought i'd see the day when i ran across something that made the drive-thru chapels in Vegas look classy by comparison.

anyway, i am just so fucking glad that the sanctity of marriage is being preserved.

these days i'm fairly snarly about wedding invites anyway (unless of course it's a dear friend or something); i can only imagine my response to getting that one.

i'm sure i'd come up with something more inventive than DIE DIE DIE CLUELESS TACKY PRIVILEGE MONSTER MOTHERFUCKERS, after i stopped sputtering.

SUEB0B said...

I must admit that I did receive a gang email from my friends telling us all to not buy into the "toast" and crap-purchasing that the "chapel" offers. They said they just want to share their day with as many people as possible. If I take the laptop, that may be as many people as can see my screen at BlogHer.

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