Don't kid a kidder

I had the following email exchange with Yankee Candle Company. They obviously didn't realize that I write bullshit for a living. So here is the email exchange, a la The Lazlo Letters.
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To: YankeeCatalog Service
Subject: Vanilla cookie

Hello,

I heard that the Vanilla Cookie scented candle had been retired. I think it may have been too easily confused with the many other vanilla flavors. I think it smells like creme brulee. You might try renaming it creme brulee and seeing how it sells, since that is such a popular dessert.

Just a suggestion.

Thanks,

Suebob

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Dear Suebob,

Thank you for being a valued Yankee Candle guest and for taking time to write to us with your suggestion. We appreciate the time and effort you took to write to us. While we would like to accept all of our valued guests' suggestions and ideas, unfortunately, we are unable to do so at this time.

Please accept our apologies for your disappointment regarding this matter.WTF kind of sentence is THAT, anyway?

Please contact us again with any future questions or concerns.

Sincerely,

Heather D.

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so then I HAD to write back

That's probably the worst form letter I have ever received. It just seems unnecessarily mean. Here is my new, improved version:

Thank you for being a valued Yankee Candle guest and for taking time to write to us with your suggestion. We appreciate all of our valued guests' suggestions and ideas. We consider many factors when developing products, which is a long and often complex process. We may take input from our customers into consideration at times. We cannot make any promises or offer comments about specific suggestions, but we appreciate the time and effort you took to write to us.


Please contact us again with any future questions or concerns.
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That way you can still dismiss people without seeming dismissive. You aren't making any promises - since you "may" take input into consideration, and you may not...Isn't that nicer?

Suebob
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Do I think they will listen? Hm...would I listen if someone tried to correct the crap I write? Good question.