Missing out

Once upon a time, I lived in a small college town. I always shopped at the Safeway and I always went to the same checker.

Kirk was friendly and efficient. And cute. Way cute. So what if his line was a little longer? It did a girl's heart good just to bask in the glow of his ultrawhite smile for a minute or two.

Eventually Kirk quit the grocery store and opened a little business across the street from where I worked. On the first day they were open, I went in to see what it was all about and I was impressed by the clean, shiny smoothie bar.

"They could franchise this place," I thought.

I visited Kirk and his co-owners often to get massive, tasty smoothies. I wanted to flirt with Kirk but I didn't. First, he intimidated me with his overwhelming cuteness, and second, I got a gay vibe from him. This does not mean he was or is gay - it just speaks to my tendency to label any man who is cute, clean and well-dressed "probably gay."

His business was a success. How much of a success?


Making-smoothies-for-Oprah-on-the-Oprah-Show kind of successful.

If I had it all to do over again, maybe I would have tried flirting just a little.

I have a dream today

I dream that someday a Christian minister will be deposed in a scandal when it is discovered that he didn't do enough for the poor and the sick.

*****

Today is the day. Vote.

You don't have too many civic duties. Jury duty. Pay your taxes. Obey the law. And vote.

Voting is your little admission ticket to responsible adulthood in a free society. Will I think less of you if you don't do it? Absolutely.

Am I going to tell you how to vote? Absolutely not.

You can go home again. You just can't stay.

I am back in the little town I called my own until 5 years ago, when Mr Stapler lured me away.

He and I are just visiting for the weekend, a quick trip to see his folks, who are vacationing here. It's the kind of town you vacation in.

Yesterday morning I went to Farmer's Market and saw old friends and stood around and talked and laughed in the warm November sun, surrounded by piles of squashes and apples and fresh-baked whole-grain breads.

Then I went to my favorite cafe and had coffee and a waffle with the owner, one of the most charming people in the world. And other old friends and others wandered in and out and said hello or talked for a while...

Sigh. I remember that life. It seemed so warm and fun and simple, everyone I liked doing kind of the same thing on the same schedule. I didn't have to plan a social life, because life itself was social.

I made half the money I did now but I only lived 3 minutes from work, so it felt like my days were long and leisurely. I volunteered at the Performing Arts Center, so I got to see fabulous shows ALL THE TIME.

Sigh.

I know I idealize it. I lived in a rental house with 2 roommates, an insane landlady, and 30 year old carpets. I worked at a job that was as much tedium as creativity, for far less pay than I deserved.

And now I have a new life, and it isn't a bad life. Mr Stapler, seeing my folks every day, being able to have my own house where I can have a big yard for Goldie, a job that pays well (even though I still wank about not getting paid enough), fun freelance work...

Yet I can feel that strong pull by the past, even as I march into the future. Does that ever happen to you?

A couple of new things up over at Linkateria.

Things to try: part one

I have done some odd stuff in my life. I have flown in helicopters (loved it!). And hot air balloons (too early in the morning). And I know how to drive a tractor, a backhoe and how to arc weld (seems handier than it is). I have built a Rose Parade Float (with the help of about 300 other people). I have interviewed some famous people (without major disaster). Hugged George Foreman (he is HUUUUGE). Flirted shamelessly with Anthony Bourdain (even though he smokes). And Susie Bright (I can't explain it but you just have to flirt with Susie Bright).

But one of the strangest experiences of my life was at a car stereo store, and you can have the same experience, if you want to.

I was writing an article about cars with huge stereo systems and how they drive people insane. Some people call them boom cars. Because I don't have any 19-year-old male friends, I had never experienced the effects of riding in one of these cars, but I wanted to know. Research.

I went to a car audio store and asked the 19-year-old male salesguys to let me go in the testing room. Then I had them crank their most expensive system up ALL THE WAY. At least as all the way as a middle-aged woman could stand.

You don't hear it so much as feel it. You aren't moving with the "music" (it is so loud that it doesn't sound musical anymore) - the music is moving YOU. Your HAIR bounces up and down. Your eyeballs bounce in your head. You are one bouncing mutha.

I lasted about 45 seconds before I staggered out. It was the one time in my life that I might describe myself as thoroughly flummoxed, and I stayed all a-twitter for hours afterward.

I wouldn't do it again, but it was unforgettable. And you can do it, too, for free. Why not? Check it out. Let me know how it goes.

What was YOUR strangest experience? I mean, in a safe-for-work kind of way.

A whole month of THIS?

M. Kennedy's NaBloPoMo challenge began today and the whining has started already.

Her deal is this: for the month of November, participants write a blog post every single day and write a comment on someone else's blog every single day. And at the end some of these bloggers will win small prizes.

She signed up over 400 bloggers for this task. Then they promptly began wanking about it.

"Post every day? OMG What am I going to write about? How will I ever do it??"

Oh, grow up, people. Have you ever noticed that writing a blog post is about as difficult as writing a grocery list, and sometimes far less interesting?

It's not like you're training for a marathon or meditating for 3 hours a day. You are writing a stupid blog post. No one is judging these things on their merits, anyway. You COULD write your grocery list and you still would have fulfilled your obligation - though in a pathetic, weak and wimpy way that I would be forced to make fun of on MY blog, so don't even think about it.

Whats the worst thing that could happen? "Maybe get a blister on your pinkie?" Maybe spill latte on your keyboard? Wah. Poor bloggers. So beleagured by this onerous task. Put up or shut up, thats what I say.

I'm not participating for several reasons. One, I post almost every day anyway. No big deal. Do you hear me complaining? No! Because when I was young, if we wanted to self-publish things we had to type them up and go to Kinkos and pay 8 cents a double-sided page to copy them and then we had to hand-fold and staple them and try to get our friends to read this shit, and if you try to tell kids how good they have it these days, will they believe you? No they won't.

Second, if I sign up and neglect do it, I will feel bad, and if I DO do it, I won't feel that all-fired great, so there is no gain in it for me, only the danger of failure. I'd rather cop out early while the failing is good.

Third, I don't see the merit of it, really. Does the world need more blog posts? It sounds pretty stupid to me, and I'm suprised that 400 people decided to go along with it. Maybe they're trying to suck up to M. Kennedy, because of how cool she is.

Fourth, I'm really just trying to win one of these. SJ? Are you listening?