15 July 2007

A visit to the Queen

Update: I forgot to say that Andrea of Little Bald Doctors won the copy of On Beauty. Andrea, email me at snackishblogATyahoo and I will someday get it in the mail.

On Saturday afternoon, I gassed up the Bluemobile and headed out across the Hot Country to see to the Queen of Spain. It was an official state visit in honor of Mocha Momma coming to California.

I was a bit worried that I would remember protocol for dealing with royalty - curtsy or bear hug? Could I wear my tiara if it didn't match my flip flops? That sort of thing.

The royal castle is lovely and surrounded by about 1000 acres (more or less) of lush gardens, all landscaped by the Queen herself in beautiful, creative ways. Last year's broccoli plants become this year's hedge! Even Martha Stewart wouldn't be as clever as that.

When I pulled up to the Royal lands, I was nervous about getting lost going around the lake (nice swans, Queen!) heading up the miles of driveway, but a footman was able to direct me and the Queen's staff took charge of me and made me feel right at home. (If my home were a 62-room castle, that is. I have never been to a place with a moat before. And the chandeliers! How does anyone ever CLEAN up there?).

You already know that she is a queen, but were you aware that she is also real-estate mogul who buys and sells islands before breakfast? Yes, indeed.

The royal progeny, Count Waffles the Terrible and Princess Peanut are very shy and reserved. It was almost 3 whole minutes after I got there that Count Waffles had me pinned down in a Royal Wrestling Move on the living room carpet.

They also discovered that a digital camera with the screen that flips around so that you can see yourself as you are shooting self-portraits is a great toy. So much fun to look at your own cute face! Hours of amusement. Hours.

Princess Peanut and Duchess Suebob take a photo op

Perhaps you are hating on the queen for her amazing Royal Life. No, you shouldn't hate her for that. You should hate her for her husband, The Kaiser. Here is the evidence. He:
Took the Royal Progeny to the movies to get them out of the Royal Guests' hair
Made dinner
Cooked dinner
Cleaned up after dinner
Mixed drinks
Served drinks
Entertained guests
Took the Royal Progeny to the potty and cleaned up after them
Put the Royal Progeny to bed
Is going to make blueberry pancakes for breakfast
Did I mention that he is cute?

Yes, I am Officially Jealous. I found myself dreaming about Kaiser having an older, less married brother...ahhhh. Oh, hm? What was I doing? Posting?

Other Royal Guests included West Coast Grrlie Blather, LeahPeah and Kristi of, oh, dang, too many glasses of wine under the bridge to remember her blog name, Kristi who was with Mark and who was really good with the kids.

I had to leave early, which I regret. I think there were some plans to induct people into the Order of the Garter, which I have heard is quite a ceremony. It involves drinking martinis and getting into the swimming pool with your clothes on, but that's all I can say. The rest is a Royal Secret.


Unknown said...

How I would love to have a moat. Oh, and all that other Queenly stuff.

Sounds like a fantastic time!

Julie Marsh said...

Sorry, that was me. Ack.

Anonymous said...

How did you get promoted to Duchess?

Were you knighted?

Anonymous said...

You are welcome here anytime! ANYTIME!!!!

Wait. I need a more royal way of saying that. Um...

We expect you will come to court again, dear Duchess.

Christina said...

I'm so jealous! I would have loved to spend an afternoon with all of you. Thank goodness I'll be seeing you soon at Blogher!

Karen Bodkin said...

I thought I was Duchess. Damn, now I need a new name. How about High Priestess of Drunk?

Anonymous said...

that sounds like a fabulous time!

QT said...

Dude, all I know is - do NOT fuck with the Queen of Spain!

So glad you had a wonderful time - it sounds awesome~a little warm up for chi-town?

Suzanne said...

Very jealous of fun time.

Anonymous said...

Excellent description of the royal compound & the fine royalty who dwell there. :) I had a blast!h

Anonymous said...

btw, that ultimate h is a typo...whoops...i'm up waaaay too early this morning.

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