08 May 2008

And you kids get off my lawn!

Travis, the checker at Target, was a very young-looking, very sullen boy.

He looked so young I wanted to ask him if it was summer vacation already.

He didn't speak to me at all. He put the change in my hands.

Travis: Sixteen dollars and seven cents.
Suebob: Thanks.
Suebob: Thank you.
Waiting. Travis glanced up nervously.
Suebob: You're going to have to say "Thank you."
Travis looked at me in disbelief.
Suebob: Yes, Travis, I'm sorry, but it is part of the job. You're going to have to say "Thank you" to me.
Travis could not have looked more shocked if I had told him he was going to have to produce a monkey from his butt.
Travis, sullenly as only a Target checker named Travis can be: Thank you.
Suebob: Remember, I pay your wages.

Next up: calling young men "Sonny" and putting glass jars of water on my lawn to keep pooping dogs away.


Violet the Verbose said...

LOL I wondered what that tweet was about earlier. Good for you - if they're not learning manners at home or school or work, then dammit, it's up to the rest of us to educate them. Sheez. Now please explain to me how jars of water keep dogs from pooping in one's yard...?

Unknown said...

Have you watched "Fried Green Tomatos" lately?

Give it a whirl.

super des said...

So did he produce monkeys from his butt? Don't leave us hangin!

Anonymous said...

LOL is all I got...holy shit woman you crack me up!

Brandon said...

Don't blame Travis, he's just a product of Target's wonderful hiring practices, employee satisfaction and customer service standards.

A sullen teenager? In Ventura? You don't say!

Blog Antagonist said...

Good for you! That is one of my hugest pet peeves. Whenever we encounter anyone in the service industry, teenaged or otherwise who is sullen and rude to us, I tell Pubescent One, that if I ever catch him behaving that way on the job, I'll garnish his wages for a month.

Anonymous said...

Oh, that's awesome!

Although I agree with brandon that Target's training practices are also at fault in that situation.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

You could start calling the cops when your neighbors teenagers play music in their garages.

Amy said...

I just love you.

Anonymous said...

You so rock. I would have paid high-dolla to see that.

Glennis said...

I always like it when the checkers and bag-people gabble out their by-rote phrases but then never connect the brain with the mouth. so it's:

checker: "Paper or Plastic?"

Me: "paper, please."

checker: "Would you like help out with that?"

me: "No thank you." Notices bag person putting groceries into plastic bags. "Um, actually, if you don't mind, I'd like paper, please."

bag person: "uh, OK." Puts already-plastic-bagged groceries into paper bag.

Me: "Oh, that's OK - just the rest of them in paper."

Checker begins helping befuddled bag person by loading groceries into plastic bags on her side of the stand.

Checker: "Thank you, Mrs. X. Would you like help out with that?"

me: "No thank you."

Bag person steps aside from the cart, which is loaded with paper bags filled with plastic bags filled with groceries, and the following items each enclosed in one single plastic bag - a gallon of bleach, a carton of eggs, a large box of dog biscuits.

checker: "Have a nice day!"

Bag person: "would you like help out with that?"

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I'm with violet the verbose. I want to know about the jars of water.

You might like this, one of my bloggy friends calls a male Target employee "Mr. Khaki Pants!" I giggle to myself a little bit when I call them that in my head!

Anonymous said...

Oh thank you. For real. Dude, I am SO TIRED of thanking check out people for giving them my business. JUST SAY THANK YOU. HAVE A GOOD DAY.

How hard is that?

Count Mockula said...

Ohh, I think I love you (but what am I so afraid of...)

Sound like we both had exciting cranky Target adventures this week!

mamatulip said...


This is, quite possibly, my favourite post EVER.

mar said...

tops right up with the caulk post.
you are on a roll, sb!

SUEB0B said...

Jars of water = I don't know. I just know that old ppl do it to "keep the damn dogs off the lawn."

DBN said...

This is great!

Jen said...


Yesterday at the grocery store the checker asked me if I wanted my gallons of milk in bags. I declined, because -- why? You can only fit one gallon in a bag, the jug already has a handle... right?

But then she decided that extended to all largeish bottleish items. So I left the store with 10 2-liters of soda and a bottle of apple juice just rolling around the bottom of my cart. What the? AND she managed to make my groceries take up two carts once bagged (or not) whereas I'd only collected them in one cart. Then all the whippersnappers flirting around her checkout stand looked completely baffled when I asked for someone to push the other cart to my car for me.

Oh yes, I'm still bitter.

Christina said...

Sheesh! Kids these days! I bet his pants were falling down, too.

Seriously, I'm loving that you made him say thank you. Wonder if he did it again the rest of the day?

crazymumma said...

ahahahaha! This reminded me of the woman who called me up to the plate for being rude and sullen to her at the sandwhich counter when I was 19.


KiKi said...

This elitist attitude of yours could reflect poorly on Obama. I can see it now:

Obama Supporter Berates the Working Class.Clinton Demands Obama Reject Blogger's Vote


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