Wow. Nice big building, huh? And what a nice big girl.
It's shocking to me because I don't think of myself being that fat. I have managed to avoid full-body photos for years (I am tall! I will stand in the back!) and when I look in the mirror, there is obviously some serious selective mental editing going on.
Because. Wow. Fat.
And it's not like I don't know what causes it. Like every other fat person on earth, I can quote calorie counts in detail for every food item, even those I don't consume (Frinstance - soda = 120 calories a can. I haven't had a soda since I can't remember).
And it's not like I don't know the number. The scale at the gym still works, even when you have to push the big weight over 4 clicks til you get past 200 and then add more on with the little slidey part: 207 lbs yesterday.
I could have a list of excuses. The sedentary job. The time commuting and seeing my parents every day. The bad back. On and on. But I'm a little tired of excuses, aren't you?
The real truth? I have this weird rebellious streak. I hate being told how to be, what to do. So the more people tried to get me to lose weight, the more I had to be different.
And stupid. I mean, what the heck? "I'll show them, I'll be fat?" What kind of weirdness is that?
Fortunately some forces have converged in my life. Several of my overweight friends have gotten
The other thing is that I am working on a Super Special Secret Project at work and my project partners are fully committed to getting and staying healthy and to helping others do the same. (One of them will be competing in the Ford Half Ironman today) I feel like I have 10 other people who are rooting for me and who expect the best of me.
So. Eating much, much better. Drinking less (which is key, because after a glass of wine, I lose all inhibitions about vacuuming that bowl of tortilla chips). Exercising more. Stretching. Checking in with my inspiring friends.
I have lost 5 lbs and that is good news. But the better news is that my mind is in the right place, at last, and I am happy to be on this journey.