Updated: I have five victims participants. One more, please? You NEED 36 random books! Think how proud you will be to donate them all to the library book sale!
My sis got me involved in this harmless ponzi scheme - a book-sharing club. I had to mail one random paperback book to someone and am supposed to get 36 books in the mail.
I kind of hope it doesn't work, given that I have books piled on every available surface already. But what the heck.
This is predicated on me finding 6 suckers friends to join in. I already have 2. Anyone else want to play?
Email me at suebobdavis aaaat g mail and I will send you the deets. Please? Please don't make me beg. It really isn't pretty.
God, this world gets stupider and stupider, doesn't it?
Just this week I have had to live through Jon of Jon & Kate stepping out on his wife and Elizabeth Edwards rehashing an affair that no one wanted rehashed. The worst part of that one was the stiff, judgy admission that she couldn't imagine telling a man he was hot. Oh, Elizabeth, honey, I think you need to put on some Tina Turner and learn to shake your groove thing! Pry open those pursed lips and let your man know you think he is smokin'!
Then I almost gagged when I heard Miss California Carrie Prejean sniveling about how she lost her potential Miss USA crown because the evil Perez Hilton gave her a low score after she gave a dumb answer about gay marriage.
It's not dumb just because she disagrees with me about gay marriage. The ANSWER is dumb. Watch:
Today she was going on about how in America we are supposed to have free speech and things like her losing the Miss USA crown weren't supposed to happen.
Word to the wise, Miss Carrie - we do have free speech in the United States, but we don't necessarily have free speech in the workplace.
At work we have to learn to zip it sometimes, and I would venture a guess that that extends to pageantry, as well. (Or whatever you people call the outdated sexist ritual you people indulge yourselves in).
Even if Miss USAing doesn't qualify as paid employment, you have to realize that beauty pageant queens aren't supposed to be smart and honest. Heck no! THAT would go against the ideal of femininity, which is what you are supposed to represent.
Like the Little Mermaid, you are supposed to shut up and be pretty, or suffer the pain of walking on knives (the original Little Mermaid, not the Disneyfied one).
At the very least, beauty queens are supposed to be diplomatic and to master the fine art of saying nothing while saying something. FAIL.
In stating your opinion on gay marriage (not quite as good as "opposite marriage") you insulted Perez Hilton, the bitchiest celeb blogger in history, and forgot one of the prime rules of life "You gotta know where it is buttered."
I work for Someone who hates the phrase "in order to." In my work, I write, but I also combine my words with pre-written text and with bits that other, smarter people give me. Then Someone edits my work.
You can be damned sure that, on my little to-do list for everything I send Someone, right after "spell check" and "eliminate passive voice" I have "search 'in order to.'"
I could object. I could say that "in order to" is a handy phrase sometimes. But you know what? Someone weighs in on my annual review. And Someone decides on my raise, and whether I am going to be working there next year.
Do I think Someone would fire me over "in order to"? No.
But I know where it is buttered. In order to keep enjoying my toast, even in America, I will refrain from invoking my 1st Amendment rights. And I won't snivel about it. I hope that my least favorite beauty queen will do the same.
Flurrious wrote a post on this same issue that is so much better and funnier than anything I have ever written that I saved the link til the bottom of my post, lest you click over there and never come back. Go. Read. Laugh.
When my dear Schmutzie announced her year long project, Grace in Small Things and invited other bloggers to join her, I rebelled.
The idea was that, every day for a year, you would post 5 things you were grateful for.
I said I wasn't going to do it. I even nagged other bloggers not to do it. If you ever want to make other bloggers really unhappy with you, try telling them what not to blog about. Ahem.
It took me a while to realize the problem. It had just never occurred to me that people aren't grateful all the time and have to remind themselves to be grateful.
I'm serious. I'm not trying to be all Little Miss Sunshine, but I guess somehow, some way, gratitude has become a habit with me.
Every day I wake up and count my blessings. Sometimes first I yell "OH CRAP! It's 5:15 ALREADY??" first, but right after that, I make my list.
Every day I begin with "600 thread count sheets." Not because 600 thread count sheets are the most important thing on my list, but because that is my habit, and they are really, really great, and they are RIGHT THERE, so what the heck. Then onto other things like "My family and friends," and "A roof over my head - in the most beautiful place on earth."
And that little moment of thanks opens the door to more gratitude. I used to have an Attitude of Bratitude instead of one of gratitude. I'm trying to turn that around.
Highly recommended. Better than vitamins for feeling good. Suebob says two thumbs up. Give it a try.
Maybe it isn't something you ever wanted, or maybe it just doesn't work right, or maybe it doesn't go with everything you already own?
And maybe it isn't even from someone you like?
Why do we keep these things? I feel almost like they have an expiration date - we have to suffer along with them for a certain period of time before we can rid ourselves of them.
Right? Or am I the only one who does this?
I got this stupid pot from someone.
It is supposed to be a "salsa pot" - it came with seeds to plant in each little pocket and in the center - cilantro, peppers, tomatoes.
I wrote a whole rant about it here. The stupid pot didn't come with enough soil (or any drainage holes) and anyway, the thing is so tiny that unless the tomatoes, peppers and cilantro seeds are from the Munchkinland Nursery, those plants ain't all fitting in that pot.
(And while I was searching for a photo of it - forgetting I had posted one to flickr - I found that the person I don't really like had bought it on clearance at Target for $3.74 - which shows how much she values ME, too! It is the thought that counts, right? Or something.)
So anyway the stupid pot sat outside on the window shelf with the geraniums for almost a year because it was in its waiting period to be sent to the thrift store or to the rubbish bin.
On Friday, I wanted to burn some incense due to an unfortunate dog diet accident and I stuck a stick of incense in the soil and put it right outside the front door with the door open, due to my stupid overly sensitive nose.
The incense burned out and the mailman came. Goldie ran outside to menace the mailman at the gate, as she is wont to do. On the way, she knocked the stupid pot off the porch and shattered it into about 50 pieces.
Goldie killed the Dreaded Object when I didn't have the courage to do so. She is a good, good girl!
Last night Adam Avitable wrote a horrible post about the swine flu. Nothing new - Avitable ONLY writes horrible posts.
I don't know why I keep reading him. Except that he brings out my inner 12-year-old boy and makes me laugh til I snort. Or pee. Or both.
Last night's post was no exception. It was a list of hints about the swine flu, very serious hints, (yeah, right) including this gem:
Q: Can I get swine flu from eating or preparing pork?
A: No, with a small exception. IF the pork product is particularly fresh and IF the product contains any pork anus, such as in a hot dog or sausage, the CDC recommends avoiding these products or cooking in boiling water for a minimum of 12 minutes to rid the chance of infection.
That made me laugh, so I tweeted part of it.
Two minutes later, I got followed by someone whose twittername is "SwineFluAdvice."
THAT made me laugh until I wept. I just imagined poor "SwineFluAdvice" spreading the Avitable gospel of cooking your fresh pork anus well and...oh good gosh. I hope they don't get sued.
I KNOW Avitable won't get sued, because any judge who took a look at his site - the header shows Adam riding in a car with Hitler, eating ice cream - would know he isn't right in the head.
But poor SwineFluAdvice. I'm kind of worried about them.
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