Queen Size

Jonniker wrote a great post about weight and body image that got me thinking.

I don't have a very good body image. I don't mean that I think badly of my body. I mean that I don't have a very good image in my mind of what it looks like. This image-blindness allows me to wear odd clothing combinations without shame and to appear naked in front of strangers without feeling embarrassed. I guess it is a mixed blessing. I am blithely ignorant while others may be horrified.

And if I can tell they are horrified, I fall back on the old biker adage: "F**k 'em if they can't take a joke." Thought I don't know how wise it is to be taking fashion advice from the Hell's Angels.

One by-product of this image blindness is that, instead of knowing how I look, especially size-wise, I try to figure my body out in relation to others. Am I that fat? Am I in better shape than her? I'm not that big, am I? I AM??

For instance, I always think of this one woman at work as being somewhat fat. The other day I realized she is slightly smaller than me. Duh.

I work in a very, very fat company, though. My co-workers and I will be at lunch in the cafeteria and remark "God, what a bunch of fatasses we are."

It isn't uncommon to look around the 40 or so people eating in the cafeteria and see 6 that are life-threateningly obese, and 5 others that are merely huge.

For me, this is a chance to get on my high horse and do some judging. I mean, I may be FAT but I'm not THAT FAT. I'm practically the Little Mermaid compared to those people! Bring on the brownies! I have another 100 pounds to go before I get THAT bad.

This way of thinking? It isn't getting me out of my size 16 jeans. Sigh.

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