26 September 2006

In which I swear that I really do like kids

One of my absolutely favorite bloggers, Jess of Drowning in Kids, wrote a heart-wrenching post today about an incident where her son bit her and she pushed him away, which left a piece of his tooth in her leg.

In the comments section, I said:
I can't imagine anyone standing there and letting someone imbed a tooth in him [I meant me] without reacting.

Me, I know I would have smacked him hard. That is one of the 4,000 reasons I don't have kids.
Part of my new honesty-is-the-best-policy policy.

Here's my logic: I like kids; I don't want to hit kids; I can be violent when I am angry or hurt; therefor I don't want to have kids (plus 3,999 other reasons).

I had a feeling this might provoke a response from the "I can't understand why someone doesn't love EVERYTHING about children" crowd, but I didn't expect THIS:
(Why is she reading a Mom's blog if she doesn't want kids?!)
Wow. I had never imagined that I shouldn't read mom blogs. I like to read blogs by women and even in modern America, more than 80 percent of women have children.

I'm interested in the whole vast spectrum of human life, not just my own little corner of it. How boring would my life be - and how short my blogroll - if I only chose to read blogs by people exactly like me?

I should abandon reading 80 percent of women's blogs, DQed by the fact that I have chosen not to be a mom? Ridiculous.


I was 10 minutes late waking up today. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but I have my morning routine down to a minute-splitting science. You see, I still have to answer to my parents about being on time. They watch Goldie during the day (bless them) and so I drop her off over there on my way to work. If I am five minutes late, I hear about it (they worry! they worry!).

I was sleeping late because I was dreaming that I was watching a new episode of Star Trek with Liz of Mom 101, whose Dad was the production designer. We were watching the show with Roo of Roo the Day, Tammie of Soul Gardening and Danielle of Foodmomiac.

During the course of the dream, I found out that Liz and all the other women had gone to Harvard together. What a class that must have been! Of course Liz said she did her undergrad at Cal State Chico, which is a funny contrast to Harvard, since it is known as a kind of backwoods major party school.

It was fun hanging out with other bloggers, even if it was only in my dreams.


Red Stapler said...

Read whatever damn blogs you want!

Just another Red Stapler saying hello.



Bimbo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kentucky Girl said...

Bit shortsighted on her part, no? I mean, if I were to ONLY read people exactly like me who shared all my interests, what would be the fun in that? Why bother?

Anonymous said...

Whatever. I think people who say things like that must have had misgivings about having kids, but went ahead and did it anyway. So they get all ruffled when they see an honest reaction to the hard parts of child-rearing.

I want to hug women who choose to be child-free. I know, and am related to, so many women who SHOUDN'T have had children, that I 100% respect a woman's undeniable right NOT to have kids. Whether or not they would have been good mothers (which many would have) I think it shows an amazing respect for self and humanity to make that socially unpopular choice.

Anonymous said...

I think you should read whatever you like.

I also think you shouldn't have to justify not wanting kids. You don't want them - that is good enough for me.

Anonymous said...

You don't have to have kids to have opinions about them and an interest in the lives of their parents. Shoot, how many times have I handed out advice on subjects that I do not have first hand experience with? Of course the best point is the one you made: people are interested in all kinds of people - including or especially those with different life experiences.

Anonymous said...

I think you should read and comment on anything you wish. Its an open market, this blog world. And I agree with kentucky girl that I appreciate the diversity of comments and points of view. Mommying can make people very closed-in if they arent careful.

Anonymous said...

Honesty IS the best policy, and a plethora of views is the best way to learn things and think about new things. I have a very good friend who never had any kids by choice, married 25 years. She still has valid, interest perspectives and points of view. She's an intelligent, thoughtful adult -- mom or not -- and often has valuable insight because she can be objective.

Anonymous said...

I read some Mom blogs, too. I don't have kids and most likely won't ever. I just love knowing about all kinds of people, just like you do, Red Stapler.

Heather B. said...

Considering that there are very few people exactly like me, I probably wouldn't read any blogs. I would also probably have a more fulfilling day at work, but that's a whole different story.

I only recently even remotely thought about having children (but I'm 22 so who cares). And prior to telling this to two friends of mine, they thought I was absurd for not wanting children of my own. WTF?

I'm all for grown adults being able to make their own decisions without comments from the peanut gallery. I know, crazy, but true.

Tracey said...

man, whether or not one has kids doesn't really impact if they're interesting and/or a good writer or not. so bah! bah, i say!

Mignon said...

I think you should definitely NOT read blogs written by moms. Or men. Or people with long-ish hair that don't live in California. Or people that don't have pets. Or people that have ever used staplers in their life. Stay away! Get out of places where you are different!! And for god's sake don't even THINK about commenting on a subject that you don't have a graduate degree in or are currently teaching at the graduate level in an accredited Top 5 university. In California. With staplers.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry about all that. It was so odd, and offensive. I thought about removing her comments, but then thought it was wrong to do that.

I dunno. But don't you dare stop reading cause i love you!

j.sterling said...

LOVE your honesty. seriously. dude, kids do things that hurt and you want to smack them sometimes. are you supposed to sit there and be a fucking punching bag?!?! i mean, there are things you DO react too, and things you don't (even if you THINK about reacting). you know?!

Anonymous said...

I saw that comment and laughed cause like you I don't have kids although I think I'm only currently at about reason 2317 for not having kids. And I read a lot of mommyblogs.

meno said...

I just want to know the other 3,999 reasons. There are probably many of them that apply to me, and i went and had one anyway.

What mignon said....

Mary Tsao said...

I'm with you on the reaction thing. I would have screamed bloody murder and it would have been very difficult for me not to smack my kid. I'm not into being hurt by anybody, including my kids.

Anyway, it's a free blogosphere and you can read whomever you want. Ya!

P.S. I'm the one who went to Cal State Chico. :) Party on!

Anonymous said...

It'd be kind of difficult to find a blog to read, if we child-free bloggers steered clear of the mommy blogs. I agree the world would be a boring place if we all just hung out in our own little labeled corners. Conversely, I was thrilled to find your non-mommy blog today.

Bamboo Lemur Boys Are Mean To Their Girls said...

This woman is an asshat. I love what you wrote and she can kiss my cookie. It's exactly what I would have said as I am like you almost to a T when I'm hurt or mad.
I'm afraid of fucking up new humans. It's best to not have them. And still have friends who do. What a concept.

urban-urchin said...

Such stupid high school clique mentality on her part.

It takes all kinds. I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog, I'll be back.

Anonymous said...

I'll have to second Madge's comment-- particularly since I am currently a child-free blogher, yet I read/link to so many mom blogs that my blog is often categorized as one. I'm the childless mommyblogger.

And so, apparently, are you.

Didn't you realize that coming to the fruition of womanhood by bearing children is like passing into a parallel plane? We can't communicate with mothers-- they've gone to the other side.

Also: Really? You thought I went to Harvard? God, I wish I had that kind of money...

The dream sounded like a nice evening.

SUEB0B said...

RS - Hey, another Red Stapler! How cool!

KG - I hesitate to think what I would think of someone exactly like me LOL.

Madge - thank you for understanding. I think a little respect goes a long way, both directions.

Sarah - thanks. I do read some very odd blogs, come to think of it.

Wendy - To me, hearing about motherhood is like reading about another country. Interesting, vicariously.

Michelle - I suppose I'd be closed in too if every time I wanted to go out I had to pack a diaper bag and strap someone in a seat LOL.

Kvetch, Rhea, Heather B. - thank you all. I am getting tired, it is late.

Tracey - I agree! Bah!

Mignon - You crack me up.

Jess - no worries. Just dang good blog fodder.

Jennster - so I am not a monster? Because I was feeling kind of like one for a minute there...

Sassy, Meno - that is a whole nother blog post (and a long one)!

Mary - Rock on, Chico woman!

Quinn - thanks for visiting. I will check your blog.

Gandhi - we are a mutual admiration society!

Urban Urchin - I think some people are so afraid to admit that they would ever THINK of smacking a kid...but the people who can't tell the truth are the dangerous ones, I think.

Roo - and I was so jealous of all you Harvard girls! But it was still fun.

Anonymous said...

Mignon's comment was hilarious, and as usual Jennster is right on.

But, sniff, why wasn't *I* in your dream? I love Star Trek! Is it because I went to Michigan State and not Harvard?

Suzanne said...


Anonymous said...

I would watch Star Trek with you anytime, but for me to have gone to Harvard, it HAD to be a dream :o)

that girl said...

yes, you should read whatever the hell you want. i read jess, too, and i agree with you - how could you NOT react when someone is biting you??

i'm not a mom and almost all the blogs i read are by moms.

Momcani said...


My neice pulled my hair once. Hard. I pulled hers back. It was an instant reaction. I had kids anyway. Fortunately, none of them have pulled my hair.
I appreciate someone who is honest. No one knows you better than yourself. Read whoever the heck you want!

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