I am one of the lucky people who will be driving brand new Chevy Tahoes to BlogHer tomorrow. And while I would normally never drive an SUV, I appreciate the free ride. I also appreciate how GM has sponsored BlogHer consistently - I am rocking a Saturn Aura shirt from BlogHer '06 right now.
You may not know that I have other sponsors, though. Yes, this whole trip is an opportunity for businesses to use my fabulousness to promote their products. Everyone wants a piece of the Suebob magic!
For instance, my butt is sponsored by LardAss Jeans. Their slogan is "It takes big jeans to cover a big butt." LardAss helps me make "Size 16-Short" look hotter than it ever has. They wanted me as a spokesmodel because big thighs are IN this year - sorry, all you skinny wenches!
Revlon uses gorgeous women like Halle Berry to promote its products. My makeup is supplied by the Emmitt Kelly Memorial Clown School. Their makeup is so pure that you can sleep in it! Sure, it stains your pillowcase something fierce, but the look is really very stunning, in that stun-gun kind of way.
My clothing is sponsored by Chico's. Specifically, the Chico's at the Camarillo Outlet Mall. Well, they didn't actually GIVE me the clothing, but it was 50% off already marked down prices, so it was PRACTICALLY free. Woo hoo!
My hair products are generously provided by Whatever Is On Sale. I am sure that many of you are familiar with the Whatever Is On Sale line and their sister line of products, OMG There Is A Double Coupon, Too.
So I am ready for the big weekend. Look for the woman waving a Red Stapler around. That would be me.
16 July 2008
15 July 2008
Inspiration in odd places
I was listening to the news on the radio tonight and there was an interview with someone from a cable TV network. He was asked if he compared his network to HBO.
"We used to, but not anymore," he said. "Since we have been doing so well, we don't even think about them. It is only when you are insecure that you worry about the other guy."
Indeed. Aren't the most miserable people on earth the ones who are always worrying about what the other guy is doing? Jealousy says a lot more about the jealous than the jeal-ee, or whatever the word is.
Been there, done that, and I hope in the future I am quicker to recognize the symptoms of the illness. When I start thinking about how messed up other people are, I'm not fulfilling my own potential. Period.
"We used to, but not anymore," he said. "Since we have been doing so well, we don't even think about them. It is only when you are insecure that you worry about the other guy."
Indeed. Aren't the most miserable people on earth the ones who are always worrying about what the other guy is doing? Jealousy says a lot more about the jealous than the jeal-ee, or whatever the word is.
Been there, done that, and I hope in the future I am quicker to recognize the symptoms of the illness. When I start thinking about how messed up other people are, I'm not fulfilling my own potential. Period.
13 July 2008
Childless blogging part 1
I suppose since it is t-minus five days to BlogHer 2008 I should start writing about what I am speaking about there: childless blogging.
Do you consider me a "childless blogger"? 98 percent of my blog posts don't mention being childless, but you KNOW I am a barren old spinster, right?
The main reason that I wanted to go be on the childless blogger panel was to make our presence known as a force to be reckoned with.
Mommybloggers came roaring out of BlogHer 06 and set the internets on fire. Two years later, I feel like it is time for those of us who don't have children to have our coming-out party.
Marketers love to talk to mothers because mothers buy a lot of stuff. But so do I - it is just different stuff. I am totally in charge of my household's income. I'm not rich but my own solo income is higher than the average U.S. family income, and every penny of that is subject to MY whims, MY desires.
And it's not like I don't buy for other people. Just because I'm not legally bound to other people doesn't mean they don't need stuff from me. Some months I can't get anything done for all the baby showers, birthday parties, weddings yadayadayada. You know where I'll be - wandering the aisles of Target with a glazed look in my eye.
Though generally, I have time to consider my purchases carefully. I don't have so many family obligations, so when I make large purchases, I can spend hours shopping or reading reviews before I decide what to do.
What I really want, of course, is for corporations to compensate me for my childless expertise. (Yes, I am turning "barren nutball spinsterhood" into "childless expertise." Just like that.)
Here's the plan: Invite me to your headquarters. Ask my opinion - I have plenty and anyone who bothers to read Red Stapler knows I am not afraid to fling them. Show me around. And then give me free stuff. Is that too much to ask?
Do you consider me a "childless blogger"? 98 percent of my blog posts don't mention being childless, but you KNOW I am a barren old spinster, right?
The main reason that I wanted to go be on the childless blogger panel was to make our presence known as a force to be reckoned with.
Mommybloggers came roaring out of BlogHer 06 and set the internets on fire. Two years later, I feel like it is time for those of us who don't have children to have our coming-out party.
Marketers love to talk to mothers because mothers buy a lot of stuff. But so do I - it is just different stuff. I am totally in charge of my household's income. I'm not rich but my own solo income is higher than the average U.S. family income, and every penny of that is subject to MY whims, MY desires.
And it's not like I don't buy for other people. Just because I'm not legally bound to other people doesn't mean they don't need stuff from me. Some months I can't get anything done for all the baby showers, birthday parties, weddings yadayadayada. You know where I'll be - wandering the aisles of Target with a glazed look in my eye.
Though generally, I have time to consider my purchases carefully. I don't have so many family obligations, so when I make large purchases, I can spend hours shopping or reading reviews before I decide what to do.
What I really want, of course, is for corporations to compensate me for my childless expertise. (Yes, I am turning "barren nutball spinsterhood" into "childless expertise." Just like that.)
Here's the plan: Invite me to your headquarters. Ask my opinion - I have plenty and anyone who bothers to read Red Stapler knows I am not afraid to fling them. Show me around. And then give me free stuff. Is that too much to ask?
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