08 April 2009

Loved so well

I knew Heather Spohr of The Spohrs are Multiplying from her hilarious tweets as mamaspohr on Twitter.

I knew that her daughter had been born premature and that Heather was raising money for the March of Dimes, but I didn't realize that Maddie's health was in such danger until I saw Heather's increasingly worrying tweets as Maddie went to the hospital yesterday with breathing difficulties.

Madeline Alice Spohr died yesterday at 17 months. Details are here, thanks to A Mom Two Boys.

I spent a long time last night looking at photos of Maddie on flickr. There are literally thousands, from Maddie's first tentative moments of life until her last day.

There is no question that this was a child who was loved, and loved so well. Her life was short but the imprint she made on the hearts of those who loved her was large and will last forever.

Bless you, sweet girl. Sleep in peace.

05 April 2009

Why we do what we do

My favorite TV show used to be "Trauma: Life in the ER."

I was thinking about it today because Christopher from As Seen From Up Here wrote a poignant, tear-jerking, sweet, somber post (maybe not safe for moms) about his Life In the E.R.:
I've seen more death in 10 years than I've ever needed to see. After a while you build up a shield to protect yourself. You still care, don't get me wrong, but imagine how you'd feel if you didn't have that callous protection. I didn't realize I needed that protection until I saw the death that still haunts me.

My friend Reambo and I had a standing date to watch the show. I would make a big, macabre plate of some pasta with red sauce and we would slurp down our spaghetti while watching people get taken apart and put back together.

I think I loved it because I could never do what those people do and I admired their skill so much.

I move rather slowly and am baffled when I try to multitask. I hate being under time pressure or having people watch me as I work. Jeffrey Daumer would be a better choice for work in the ER than me.

I also loved the crazy situations like the guy who tried to commit suicide with a sword, but who did it wrong and just gave himself a mondo piercing through a fold of fat. He then lost nerve and came in with this big sword lying flat, diagonally across his chest, as if he were his own scabbard. Duh.

One day they asked one of the doctors why he chose the ER as his specialty. He said "It suits my pathology, I guess." I think he meant that his own needs for adrenaline, etc., were met by the job.

Today I was thinking about religion and how we choose ours to fit our pathology. My own form of mental illness is to want everyone to be happy all the time and to avoid conflict. So I chose Unity, a church that is so unchurch like that it calls itself a "School." We don't have a dogma or tell anyone how they should think or act.

Other people have a pathological need for structure, and to be right. So they choose a church that has rigid boundaries for behavior.

What about you? What is YOUR pathology?
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