Liveblogging this mutha

Might as well liveblog. I am at the airport hours and hours early, thanks to my genetic incapability to be anything but super-extra-prompt.

I got detained for the special security screening. It had to do with my other genetic incapability, the refusal to keep my mouth shut.

The woman before security screening said, looking as Bershon as she possibly could.

"ID BOARDING PASS" she snapped, not looking at me.

"mmmmPlease??" I muttered under my breath.

"Selective!!" she yelled.

Thank goodness for the extra 3 hours so they could paw through my shit in their own good time.

When will I learn?

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I am rocking the grooviest laptop case ever. I used to always borrow Mr Stapler's sedate black laptop backpack, but for obvious reasons those days are over.

So when I awoke today and decided to take my laptop with, I was puzzled about how to transport it.

In my big black purse? I tend to carry liquids.

In a backpack? Without padding? Too dangerous.

Suddenly I remembered that I had a case from one of the first Mac laptops ever made. A big heavy ass thing that was about an inch thick. The laptop is long gone but the case was buried in a container in my storage shed.

I dug it out and it was exactly as I remembered. Padded, secure, and a lovely shade of teal green that brings to mind Jane Fonda aerobics wear and the big bangs of 1987. Yeah!! I look so retro. But not retro enough to be cool. Story of my life.

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There is a big fat stinky guy with his shirt unbuttoned walking around the airport, his giant gut protruding over some cutoff shorts.

Where is he sitting? By my gate.

Where do you think his seat is on the plane? Want to bet? If it is 22B, I am going to start crying.