12 June 2007

My new business venture

My friend Alicia asked me out to see a show at a club, The Troubadour, for my birthday next month.

Gotta love Alicia for thinking of me, but I had a few problems with this suggestion:
1. I had never heard of the band
2. The show is at the Troubadour, where one gets to stand on a concrete floor
3. It is on a Wednesday night
4. In Los Angeles, 60 miles south
5. Doors open at 8, which means the crappy opening band starts at 9 and maybe the opening act manages to haul their lazy butts up on stage around 10
6. I get up at 5:15 a.m.
7. I am 1000 years old
8. I am a cranky beeyotch

Yes, I will freely admit it in front of the whole Internets: I am officially too old for this shit. (The other part that I hesitate to admit is that I have pretty much always been too old and cranky for this shit, but at least I used to pretend I was enjoying myself as my eardrums melted and I was forced to be the cheese in a bobbing sweaty-hipster sandwich).

Here's my idea: Concerts for the Old and Cranky

Here are my promises:
1. Your ticket entitles you to a seat. An assigned, comfy seat. There will be room to dance, but it will not obstruct the view. Your ticket is your admission. There is no drink minimum or other surprise charge.
2. The show starts on time, which is early.
3. There is no crappy opening act.
4. The volume will not cause immediate and permanent hearing damage.
5. The show will end on time, which is early.

Is anyone with me? Great, because I have Jimmy Slovotnik and the Polkatones booked for Friday. Be there!

Next: Airline Travel for the Sane (featuring staff that actually checks the size of carry on bags and kicks off people who have tuberculosis or other contagious diseases).

In other news, I had dinner with VenturaMom and her cute daughter, The Girl (who is "almost 4" years old) last night. VenturaMom claims to be a "sassy dork" on her blog. She is a little sassy and not at all dorkish. And The Girl is a wonder. We taught her to ask for the dinner check by making the little writing motion in the air and she pulled it off perfectly and made the waiter laugh hard in the process.

It was a good evening.


Anonymous said...

As someone who recently purchased tickets to an all-day rock festival and then chickened out and sold them, I definitely know what you mean.

My husband and I have come to realize that our local casinos have great Grumpy Old People Concerts. They book acts that older people enjoy (we've seen Toto and Dweezil Zappa there), and everybody sits through most of the show. It's the next best thing to staying home and watching a concert DVD.

Ericka said...

i'm right there with you. i have sensitive hearing, and always keep earplugs in my purse, but movies, concerts, etc are usually too much for me. i'm happier alone in my jeep with my cd's. isn't that sad?

Anonymous said...

I would totally go to your concerts! And like you...I've been "old" like this since I was about 23.

lizgwiz said...

I have a jazz singer friend who does a weekly gig on Thursdays from 6:30 - 9:30, in a restaurant/club with comfy couches right in front of the band. It is perfect for cranky old people like me. ;)

QT said...

This made me laugh - I am the same way. There are actually clubs in Portland who cater to this genre now - you go right after work for a show and some snacks, and you are done, at home and in bed, hearing intact, by 9:30.

There IS money to be made there!

LittlePea said...

I'm so with you on this. I hate the vibrating feeling in my ears the day after a concert.

meno said...

My idea of hell is a dance club with music so loud that all you to do is to shout into another person's ear to be heard.

Plus, earplugs are a standard purse item for me.

I see your cranky and raise you to mean.

Anonymous said...

A thousand years old? You don't look a day over 300. ;)

Maya said...

You should come up and see a show at the Bowl sometime! Assigned seating, new bathrooms, overpriced beer and wine (easily gotten around via getting drinks elsewhere early) and they're always done by 10.

J. A. Blackburn said...

Oh man if you start that concert series I am totally there!! Love it.

Anonymous said...

I now know exactly how old I am:

Too old to stay on my feet watching a band's entire set without my ankles swelling to the size of honeydew melons....

Too young for Toto and Dweezil Zappa.....

- Angel Apologist.

Kris said...

It makes me weep, but I agree. I was such a rock and roll chicklet growing up. Now I'm just old. I hold on to the fact that my daughter witnessed three concerts while in my belly, but they were two Billy Joel concerts and one Guster concert. Not exactly AC/DC. And I sat through most of them. The point was driven home when I heard The Police were coming to Hartford and I thought "On a Tuesday? Come on!!! I have to work the next day." PATHETIC. I need to go affix my dentures and schedule my hip replacement.

But, again, I am on board with your concert series. Buying "seats" should entitle you to seats. And if said ticket says the show will start at 8:00, there better be some cute boys (or girls) rocking out on stage by 8:01.

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