Suebob's Red Stapler: A word from our sponsors

16 July 2008

A word from our sponsors

I am one of the lucky people who will be driving brand new Chevy Tahoes to BlogHer tomorrow. And while I would normally never drive an SUV, I appreciate the free ride. I also appreciate how GM has sponsored BlogHer consistently - I am rocking a Saturn Aura shirt from BlogHer '06 right now.

You may not know that I have other sponsors, though. Yes, this whole trip is an opportunity for businesses to use my fabulousness to promote their products. Everyone wants a piece of the Suebob magic!

For instance, my butt is sponsored by LardAss Jeans. Their slogan is "It takes big jeans to cover a big butt." LardAss helps me make "Size 16-Short" look hotter than it ever has. They wanted me as a spokesmodel because big thighs are IN this year - sorry, all you skinny wenches!

Revlon uses gorgeous women like Halle Berry to promote its products. My makeup is supplied by the Emmitt Kelly Memorial Clown School. Their makeup is so pure that you can sleep in it! Sure, it stains your pillowcase something fierce, but the look is really very stunning, in that stun-gun kind of way.

My clothing is sponsored by Chico's. Specifically, the Chico's at the Camarillo Outlet Mall. Well, they didn't actually GIVE me the clothing, but it was 50% off already marked down prices, so it was PRACTICALLY free. Woo hoo!

My hair products are generously provided by Whatever Is On Sale. I am sure that many of you are familiar with the Whatever Is On Sale line and their sister line of products, OMG There Is A Double Coupon, Too.

So I am ready for the big weekend. Look for the woman waving a Red Stapler around. That would be me.

16 comments:

Jody Reale said...: What a stellar lineup of endorsements! Will you have free samples? Specifically, I'm looking for something to replace my current hair product of choice, At The End of the Day You're Putting Soap on Your Head, So Why Bother With a Name Brand Shampoo? See you at BlogHer!; 9:24 AM
Mrs. F said...: Pick me up in Sacramento?; 9:28 AM
Kalyn Denny said...: You are funny, and I am beyond myself with jealousy that you have a Chicos outlet store in your town. I have to content myself with the sale prices. See you at BlogHer!; 9:55 AM
Deb Rox said...: Best "Getting Ready for BlogHer" post on the Internet!; 10:53 AM
Anonymous said...: So hot - I love it! That's kinda how my husband's T-shirt drawer does not contain anything that doesn't have a corporate logo on it. Because, you know, why buy when someone keeps giving you stuff?; 10:57 AM
j.sterling said...: i can't wait to see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'll try not to staple myself to you. :); 12:03 PM
Anonymous said...: HAHAHHAHA!
While I can join you in the size 16 short category (on a good day), my brand of choice is not LardAss (which was the original name of Apple Bottoms, BTW), but Abs 'O Pudding Pants.; 1:38 PM
Anonymous said...: hilarious. although give yourself some credit. clown school? no way.; 1:42 PM
Mrs. G. said...: Have fun! Chicos is the best! I wish I could pose with your stapler.; 2:31 PM
Count Mockula said...: I hope I get to see you. After my wild whirlwind week, I'm thinking I'll make it Saturday...; 7:04 PM
mar said...: i wish i could be there to get a pic with the red stapler.
more importantly one with suebob!; 10:56 AM
Lisa said...: You are going to have a blast! Have some fun for me, will ya! Am bummed I won't be one of the lucky people who get to laugh, drink and talk with you...; 11:11 AM
mdog said...: I am sure that many of you are familiar with the Whatever Is On Sale line and their sister line of products, OMG There Is A Double Coupon, Too.

ok. laughing out loud at this.

have fun!; 1:23 PM
Glennis said...: I use Whatever Is On Sale hair products all the time!! Who knew how fabulous they were?; 11:47 AM
West Coast Grrlie Blather said...: You are truly hilarious! I love this post.; 2:33 PM
2nd Generation Rice-Eater said...: hilarious.. I wish I had such sponsors.; 5:12 PM