Don't mess

Public service announcement: Those decorative chenilley-velvety lap blankets? Should not go in the laundry:


They especially should not go in the laundry with your fuzzy pink slippers.

It was a lap-robesplosion. It was like it had been run through a shredder instead of a wash machine. Good thing I had bought it for $3 at a thrift store.

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I was in a hurry to drop Goldie off so the folks could watch her while I went to the gym.

Yes, I KNOW I can leave the dog home alone for 2 hours, but the dog does not know I can leave the dog alone for 2 hours. When I start getting ready to go, she stands out by the car and urges me to hurry up so she can go see the Beloved Grandparents.

I pulled up to the house and found the driveway fully blocked by a black Toyota truck. Not just the butt-end sticking a foot into the driveway, no - this was like someone thought the driveway was a real parking spot.

I saw the mass of people kitty-corner at a yard sale. I marched myself across the street.

"Does someone here have a black Toyota pickup?" I asked.

This lady separated herself from the crowd and I made this "move it on out" kind of gesture because I really didn't want to talk to someone so rude and stupid.

"Oooh, I didn't realize I was parked so far back," she said.

"Right," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Anyway, you could have parked somewhere else."

"What?" I yelled.

"I was only going to be a minute, you could have parked somewhere else."

"Don't be a rude idiot," I said.

My dad was slowly making his way out front. He is, after all, legally blind.

"What's going on?" he asked.

The woman was in the truck moving it forward, windows down.

"Some dumb bitch was parked blocking the driveway," I yelled.

"Hey!" she yelped as Dad laughed and I walked in the house.

A note of explanation. I don't lose my temper in public very often. I never swear in front of my parents. But there is a first time for everything. Fortunately Dad thought it was hilarious. He chuckled for an hour and made me repeat the story twice. I actually think he was kind of proud of me.

A second note: I got my period that afternoon. Which explains a lot.