12 November 2009

The Layoff Chronicles: The Circle of Life

Background info: Every December at work we do an all-hands-on-deck project that has traditionally taken five of us on our team about six weeks to accomplish. Meanwhile, dozens of other people across the company are also frantically working to accomplish their pieces of the project, and a wonderful woman named Debbie stitches them all together at the end to make one magnificent finished piece.

The problem is that this year, only two out of five of us will be around to do the project.

Because it is so complex, we begin planning in November. Thus, the emails begin.


From: Person, Patty
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 1:28 PM
To:[Lots of people]

As work for the *Massive Gigantor Project (name redacted)* gets underway, we would like to have a kick-off meeting with the sponsors. More materials will be provided prior to the meeting.

Please let us know if you are unable to attend our kick-off meeting. Debbie and I will determine the best approach to follow up with you to review information.

Thank you.

Patty Person


From: Person, Patty
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 2:10 PM
To:[Lots of people]

The attached PowerPoint presentation is for our Kick Off meeting on Monday.
[Massive Gigantor Project Kick-off - 11-16-2009 v4.ppt]

Patty Person


From: *My Director*
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 2:13 PM
To: Person, Patty
Cc: Suebob; New V.P., Debbie
Subject: RE: Kick off 2010 Massive Gigantor Project


My position and Suebob’s have been eliminated. The remaining team is moving under *New VP Name*. You have appropriate representatives from the remaining team for your meeting, but we will not be participating.

New V.P. and Debbie will have to let you know how XXX team will participate with Massive Gigantor Project moving forward.

My Director, who rocks


From: Person, Patty
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 2:16 PM
To: My Director; Suebob; Debbie

I am sorry to hear about you and Suebob. I wish you the best.

My position was also eliminated. I am including Debbie on this email, as she will be overseeing this work going forward and will need this information. Thanks again!

Patty Person
Strategy Leader


And with that, I started howling with bitter laughter. What else can you do? Cry? I'll bet that is what poor Debbie is doing.


meno said...

Suebob, i know i'm late with this, but i'm sorry about your job. Those fuckers!

Kizz said...

Seriously, they couldn't keep you all on until Christmas? Sigh.

Deodand said...

Wow, those e-mails could be from my job. And I'm Debbie :(

mar said...

pretty much sounds similar to e-mails from my workplace.

Stillie said...

What's bad is that the whole "my position has been eliminated" thing is said just so casually around there, because it's happening to everyone. I'm sorry.

Suzanne said...

If it wasn't happening to real people, it would make a great satire.

I hope that you are doing OK. I'm glad that you at least still have bitter laughter.

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