04 March 2010

Hi, what's your name? I'm highly contagious

On the way home, I stopped at Sears to return some ugly ass swimsuits I had bought from Land's End overstocks.

I love me some Land's End swimsuits, but these were just so wrong in so many ways. Ugly print, tied behind the neck instead of having real straps (which I need because I am jumping around like a chimp), slightly too short in the torso.

Plus, they didn't solve my low-cutness problem, which has increased lately with the recent addition of one guy in class who is incredibly unsubtle about staring at my cleavage.

The woman in front of me at Sears was returning some kids' clothing. It was taking forever because she had the wrong combination of receipts and clothing tags. She had a bad, bad raspy cough.

When she finally got done, I stepped forward.

The cashier gave me a panicked look. The kind of panic you usually don't see in customer service people outside of the Christmas season.

"I....I...I..." she whispered. "I have to go get some disinfectant. I'll be right back."

"What's up?" I said, puzzled by her aura of utter freakout.

"That lady," she said. "She told me she had SWINE FLU."

What the everloving heck, people? Who goes to return kids' clothing when they have SWINE FLU? It can't wait a week? Are people completely clueless about how disease is transmitted?

You KNOW how I am about germs. Right now I am typing this from a bathtub full of Clorox. It stings a little.

(That's a lie. I don't have a bathtub. But if I did, I might consider it.)


I started working on a book today. Mmmm hmmmm. I may not have a job, but I have someone who is paying me to write a book, which is kind of a nice gig for a writer.



Suzanne said...

Ooooh, your book-writing gig sounds amazing! Congrats! In fact, it makes me think that I should hire you to write my thesis...

Mir said...

Way to slip that unimportant little gem in there at the end, Suebob. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Can't wait to hear more, and it couldn't have happened to a nicer person. :)

mar said...

i'm squeeeing inside my head because my throat suddenly got all raspy after reading your post.

Lynnea said...

Congrats! It's not often you get to come in contact with a potentially deadly disease. Ok, just kidding - congrats on the book job of course!

CharmingDriver said...


claire said...

Woah! Congratulations!!
And eww... to the lady in the store. Go home, lady. We don't want your germs.

Nance said...

Holy crap. Your 4th commenter is speechless.

Congrats. Now go get vaccinated so you don't have to give back your advance.

Table4Five said...

Dude, a BOOK! Congratulations!!

roo said...

Congratulations on the book. Maybe when it's written you can give the book swine flu-- you know, so it'll spread like a disease and make you famous

Kevin Charnas said...

Are you sure that she didn't just say, "I wish you had this in swine blue?", which I believe is the color of a pig when he/she holds their breath?

No? Okay.


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