Today I went outside to sit on the steps in the sun and pluck my eyebrows.
This is the type of thing you can do at 10 a.m. on a Wednesday when you are funemployed. Beats working.
I don't know if it is age, or hormones, or what, but my eyebrows have begun bushing up at an alarming rate. One of these days I fully expect to awaken looking like Andy Rooney.
But that's not all. Oh gah, that's not all.
While I was peering into the 10x mirror and plucking and plucking and plucking and plucking, I noticed a tiny, thin hair that had gotten stuck to the side of my nose. It was about half an inch long.
I moved my tweezers over to remove the hair.
Ow! It was stuck.
That's because it was attached. It was growing. Out the side of my nose.
Huh?
What kind of awful new world have I entered where half-inch long hairs can grow out the side of my nose? And here's the best part - I didn't even notice until it was half an inch long.
And Jumping Jiminey - WHAT OTHER PREVIOUSLY HAIRLESS PARTS OF MY BODY HAVE HALF-INCH HAIR THAT I DON'T EVEN NOTICE?
This is gonna keep me up at night, I just know it.
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14 comments:
Maybe you need someone to shave your back?
Suebob, I have a mutant blond hair that grows out of my forehead, and it is frequently an inch or more long before I catch it. Even worse is the pubic hair that grows out of my neck. I keep an eye out for that bad boy, though.
Watch out for the chin. The chin is a bastard who will betray you without a second thought.
I went to have a manicure last weekend and she asked me if I wanted my upper lip to be waxed. WHA!??? UPPER LIP? My eyebrows, ok they had gotten a little long, but my LIP??
J - I think I will just take a bath in Nair to be sure.
Now *there's* something to look forward to! I thought the gray (white, whatever!) eyebrow hairs were bad enough.
Go find an Indian threading salon! Seriously!
They're fast, cheap, and they don't make you feel like you're a freak when you ask them to pull out your mustache hairs.
They remove the hair with a twisted thread. You can find a salon in any place where there's a substantial Indian or Persian population.
You too, Scientific Lutheran. I once had someone wax my upper lip and she BURNED me.
I'm going for the threading salon. The place I go in Culver City charges me $15 to shape my brows and clean off my upper lip.
I am plagued by the chin hairs. Plagued.
This reminds me, though, that my mom recently noticed a package of toys portraying each of the ten plagues. It was sold in the "goyish" grocery store (as opposed to the "Jewish" grocery store with the expanded kosher aisle) in the Passover section. It seems they were developed to teach your kids about the ten plagues. My mom bought me a pack. Actually, there were two different kinds, and she got me both. That's the kind of awesome mom she is.
Why is it as the eyesight gets worse the facial hair sprouts? The chin hairs...oh my, the chin hairs. I would rather have my period back than be on constant facial hair watch.
Period vs. Chin hairs, if only it were that simple. I've done a few laser treatments on the chin, but you have to keep going back and there's the cost, of course.
I've been waxing or bleaching my lip for years so this is not an age thing for me.
The worst is that it is a constant battle that can only be fought with the 10X mirror because at 49 I surely cannot see anything in the regular mirror.
Suebob, it is gross being human!
Loved your contribution to Craftastrophe!
I wish my eyebrows were getting bushy. They've taken the other route, and I have to fill them in with a brow pencil. Why can't they just stay the way they were?
I have decided the reason middle-aged women get presbyopia is so they're not horrified every moment watching the random mutant hairs sprout. Nature's way of protecting us.
It could be worse; you could have a mole on your neck that grows inch-long hairs overnight. A mole. With a hair growing out of it. Jeesh. I might as well just put on a housedress, roll some knee-high nylons down to my ankles, and hit the Big Lots store.
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