Liveblog me baby

Good morning, America! I'm not quite awake!

Do you want me to clean this up, or do you want me to tell it like it is? Ah, good people of the internets, I knew I could trust you to want the real deal.

My alarm didn't go off. My fault. I can't set an alarm to save my life. It is one of my many shortcomings, along with an inability to dress myself fashionably or to keep my mouth shut.

Fortunately I wasn't really sleeping, since I was tossing and turning all night with the anticipation of getting less than 5 hours of sleep. I was also wondering at my decision to order the spicy garlic noodles last night and

So I looked at the clock and sprang into action at 2:37. Got naked to take a shower (yes, I need one - have you seen my hair after I sleep on it?)

My first action was to sneeze hard and pee on my leg (hello, Google pervs! Welcome!) Yes I did. I know, Kegels. Kegels.

The shuttle arrived 15 minutes early, which doesn't seem like much but the difference between 3 a.m. and 3:15 a.m. is significant. So instead of doing the last minute dishes, I put them in the fridge. They'll keep, right?

The first lady on the shuttle was my kinda gal. "I'm going to sleep," she declared. Yeah, baby. But of course the second person was not only Latey McLatelady, but also Chatty McYakmeister AND Stinky Lotioncloud. A trifecta of annoyingness!

The good thing is that once I take off my glasses, other people don't exist. I inflated my travel pillow, put in my earplugs, and pretended to sleep.

The airport is todo desmadre, even more than usual. But complaining about airports is so passe. Just like the guy next to me's puma tattoo. (Oh, crap, that is poor grammar. But you are talking to a woman who peed on herself and put her dirty dishes in the fridge, so what do you expect?)

I took a brilliant photo, but my camera cord is in checked, so I will share later. Wait for it. Pray for me.

Did I mention that I got my period between Ventura and here? My glamorous life continues...