Suebob's Red Stapler: What season is it?

16 November 2007

What season is it?

It is catalog season. I yanked a big slippery fistful out of the mailbox today.

After Eddie Bauer (Motto: "We'll make you look like a big ol' butch lesbian or your money back") they all had 2 names. Hearth and Home. Wind and Weather. Night and Day. Buttocks and Bollocks. That sort of thing.

The problem is that I am not a catalog person. I can slaver over the descriptions like anyone else: "Made of butter-soft Carthiginean leather and hand-sewn by a family of dwarves who have inhabited the magic Brillig hills for over 30 centuries."

I can pick items out and tear out order forms, carefully working around the staple in the middle.

Then I get to calculating the shipping, and it all goes to hell. The melt-in-your-mouth caramels that are handmade on Whimsy Bean Island look great at $14.95 a pound, but I just can't see paying $8.95 for shipping on top of that. I think "Damn, I could make my own caramels!" and start researching caramel recipes.

I never actually MAKE any caramels, and no one actually gets any presents from me, but at least I didn't shell out $8.95 for shipping.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...: Gawd, you make me laugh!; 10:11 PM
super des said...: descriptions = too funny.

I hate the ones that make you pay a flat rate shipping for the amount of money you spend. Once I ordered a shirt, and since I was still within the shipping bracket, a lipstick. Then they didn't send me the shirt, so I got a *very* expensive lipstick in the mail.; 5:24 AM
mar said...: since i'm already bombarded by mrs field's catalogs, having never purchased anything from them, i've decided that i'm actually going to buy something this year. it'll make a good generic gift for the in-laws & will encompass both parents & the little sister who still lives at home. who doesn't love mini-muffins & brownies?
but you're right; the shipping is a b#$%@.; 8:55 AM
Anonymous said...: Catalog and online retailers ought to have learned by now that the way to secure sales is to decrease shipping costs. Tack it onto the item cost - even just a portion of it - and they'd see so many more conversions.

Then again, sometimes I'm willing to pay the exorbitant shipping costs if it means I can avoid the mall parking lot.; 11:30 AM
ByJane said...: my experience pretty much also--this year i'm just tossing them because i'm soooooooo much wiser now.; 3:48 PM
Count Mockula said...: Bahahaa! That is why I'm an Amazon Prime member. I could order a Kleenex or an anvil, and they'd ship it to me free!

Well, free other than the fact that I pay to be a member.; 6:55 PM
Julie said...: I got rid of most of my catalogs by joining something called "greendimes." It really does work, for something like 3.00 a monht - AND (supposedly) they plant a tree for you too.; 3:09 AM
Anonymous said...: Now I remember why I stopped buying clothes from Eddie Bauer!

I'm with Julie on the GreenDimes thing. I haven't completed the vital last step yet, but already I think my junk mail has decreased.; 5:26 AM
Suzanne said...: Some places will give you free shipping if you order a certain dollar amount and then you can take your returns to the store locations. This is why if I want one $15 item from the Gap or Ann Taylor, I order $100 worth of stuff and immediately return $85 of unwanted items at the store as soon as they arrive. usually it winds up in the same credit card billing period, so I am home free.; 10:31 AM
the mystic said...: Hilarious descriptions! I just went to the mail store Saturday and spent like twice as much on shipping as I'd spent on the gifts - I know I could have done better if I'd gone to the post office during the week, but I'm not that organized or on the ball.; 9:48 PM